Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Anxiety and stress

Easter weekend turned out to be CRAP.  Both the boys ended up with some stomach flu...Jonah was throwing up on Friday and James was throwing up on Saturday.

I know I've mentioned it before but I have a vomitting phobia.  It was so bad on Saturday that I had to resort to medication to calm myself down.  It was horrible and I haven't had an attack like that in a long time (and hope it's a while before something like that happens again!!!).  While I'm glad I got the medication to begin with, I wish I didn't have to take it at all.

I feel....I don't even know the words.  Defective?  Ridiculous?  I don't know .  But I hate it.  It's something that is a natural bodily reaction to harmful bacteria in our bodies and I FREAK THE FUCK OUT.  Like, involuntary shaking at my core.  Hyperventilating.  Feeling sick myself (which is something that has continued on and off since Friday and is one of the most horribly side effects of this "syndrome").

On top of all of that I'm feeling VERY stressed about the financial aspects of the wedding.  It's very hard to see that the money will appear and go exactly where we need it to!  In turn....stress.  Which also causes more anxiety.  Vicious cycle.

This has also started appearing in my house as MESS.  I'm continually trying to get my mind off of my anxiety and therefore either coming on the computer or watching a movie or going for a drive.  My house is a disaster area right now and I'm bound and determined to get SOMETHING done today....ANYTHING.  Just so it doesn't look like this anymore.

Right now, however, there is a bit of a thunderstorm headed our way and it's so dark in here I may have to turn on a light...I think I'll wait for it to pass and then get to work...it will only be a short-lived storm.

So, that's the plan, enjoy the storm, wait for the baby to sleep, then clean and try to stop stressing and panicking so much....

Please wish me luck....I need it!

5 comments:

Coffee Please!?! said...

sending calm thoughts your way!!

Bohemian Single Mom said...

There's nothing wrong with you. I swear, everybody has something. Me...it's the dentist. And if I can live the rest of my life without going in an elevator, that would be just fine!
Try not to stress. The money will come together, somehow, some way, and your wedding is going to be perfect.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like your life is CRAP. Why don't you make some changes. Here's one for you - fucking get over yourself. Self absorbed much? Really. My 3 year old daughter has less tantrums than you, aren't you like 35? Grow the fuck up lady, for real.

If you are THAT stressed about money and the wedding, and the fact that you don't have the extra money too spend on a wedding MAYBE you should downsize your wedding. Ever give that one thought? go too a justice of the peace, or court or whatever you do in Canada and get married, cheaply, and spend the rest of the money on your kids.

Oh wait, self absorbed.

From reading 20 mins of your blog (which I won't be back too read) it's VERY clear that you need too focus less on yourself and your pitiful rants about money and wedding flowers and more time on your children - oh how I bet they suffer with you as their "mother".

Here is thought two, or three..... Whatever - get off your fat ass and clean your house. Its easy, Im a mom of 4, work 45 hours a week and still find time too clean, cook, do laundry and spend quality time with my children - stop being a lazy cunt (oh I hate that word but it suites you so well) and make some changes in your life.

Ps. Go stand in the lightning. Cunt.

NapoleonOverlap said...

Wow. Anonymous is an IDIOT. It's a blog jackass. She's talking about her life on her BLOG....OH MY GOD what a concept!!! if you don't like it, then fuck off. :)

Amie, you're a fabulous mother and your kids love you. Your house is a mess, but you have 3 little tornadoes that wizz through it and toss things about without warning, and you wedding will be perfect and I for one, can't wait!!!

I think people who read blogs, and then spinelessly hide behind the "anonymous" wall are hiding something themselves, and don't want the world to see what a fucked up mess their own shit is.

<3 you Aim!!

M xoxoxox

queenybaby said...

Not sure how I got to your blog in the first place, but when I read your comment about someone else's comment I thought I'd see what you were referring to. You obviously have the right attitude about it, but I wanted to chime in and say:

- Agreed, it's your blog and you can write whatever you want on it. Really, where is there a better place to vent?!
- I found it funny that she disparaged you in a post that degraded her own intelligence -- there were several elementary spelling/grammar errors in her diatribe.
- It's also amusing that she accuses you of needing to grow up as she engages in an unnecessary juvenile rant complete with hideous language, and then (oh so maturely) posts anonymously.

She claims she won't be back, but I almost hope she trolls your blog in the future, so she can see what a pointless waste of time her ugliness was.