Thursday, December 17, 2009

6 Months Old

Miss Marryn is 6 months old today....I can't believe how quickly the first half of her first year has gone! I love this stage though and she's so adorable. Saying dada already and eating some are a bunch of my fave pics of her :D

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

2 Weeks left

Well, there are only two weeks left of 2009. This year has been a good and bad year.

I have my oldest son full time now, meaning no more trips to dads on the weekend where we miss out on including him in family outings and get togethers.

We had our beautiful daughter 6 months ago tomorrow.

We got officially engaged 4 days ago!! YAY!

We lost a couple people this year...that was the bad part. They are loved and missed very much.

My wishes for 2010 are this:

~Happiness and health for all those I know and love.

~Financial stability (which has been pretty good in the last 6 months so I hope it continues!)

~A beautiful wedding that goes off without a hitch...only 10.5 months away!

2009 was a very memorable year for me. I turned 30 and almost all my dreams came true!! 2010 will be just as memorable because the last of my BIG wedding...will be coming true. I'm very much looking forward to this year.

What do you wish for this year?

Much love! xo

Friday, December 4, 2009

Chapter Two - The Chase

When I met him, I didn't have any expectations that it would go anywhere. I was only 16 and he was 21 with a 1 year old daughter. Right away my gut told me he was too old for me, I tended to date younger guys. The group that hung out there was fun though so I continued to go back a few times to hang out and get high. Because that's what we did when we were 16 with no rules...we smoked pot. It wasn't until a few months later that I realized I hated the high and stopped smoking it all together. I already didn't drink because I didn't like the feeling it left me with, not to mention my vomitting phobia.

One night, I decided not to go there for whatever reason and he called me and convinced me to come anyway, he would make me dinner. No one had ever made me dinner except my mom so I agreed and he came and picked me up on his bike. Our dinner consisted of Lipton's chicken noodle soup and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches eaten at the coffee table on the floor. I hated the way he ate. He chewed with his mouth open and belched while we were eating. It drove me nuts and was enough for me to make the decision that I would not be dating him. We hung out a bit longer and then I made an excuse about forgetting medication that I'd left at "home" where I was staying and left. I hadn't planned on returning.

Over the course of the week following he called everyday and tried to hang out. Being as young as I was and not always the "popular" one, I enjoyed the attention and finally agreed to go over there again. I met his daughter and fell in love with her, she was adorable and liked me well enough it seemed. He said he liked how I cared for her and said he'd like to have another someday. It was the bait and hook he'd needed to reel me right in. I'd wanted a baby for as long as I could remember. Yes, even at that age. I knew people would be mad. I didn't care. I had lived my life full of trying to make people like/love me the way I'd needed to be loved. I only wanted to be accepted and I knew at a very young age that my child would love me for who I was and I wouldn't need to "try" with them. There would be instant and uninhibited love. I so wanted that. I so needed that.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Chapter One - The Introduction

A lot of pretty crappy things have happened between my ex and I and our son in the 13years I have known him. He has done things, I have done things and our son has been put in the middle on numerous occasions. I have made BIG mistakes and plenty of them. In my defense, I was only 17 when I had him and knew nothing of being a parent and to top it off I had every adult I knew tell me I couldn't do it and bring parenting at a young age into a negative light so often that I almost gave up.

There were people who would do whatever they could to help me fail and people who helped if they thought it would benefit them. Either way, when I grew up some and realized just how much I loved my son and remembered why I'd had him in the first place, it was no question that I needed to fight as hard as I could to get him back. It was a long hard road that saw me kicked many times while I was already down so far I didn't think I could get any lower.

It all started when I was 16 years old. I had a pretty crappy life living at home. My step father was not very nice to me and treated me like the middle step child I was and my mother worked a lot and had her own issues and either didn't see or chose not to see. Either way, just about everything was all my fault. I had more chores than a teenager should have because I did my little brothers share as well. When my older step brother lived with us I was called names and treated poorly every day...I have proof of this on a home movie from 1990. But, I digress, the point I was getting at was that I left home at 16, all of that was a part of the reason why.

I lived with friends on and off, here and there and eventually moved to Welland. I acted like a typical 16 year old with no rules...I walked to the store at 4am in my sock feet just because I could. I went to Tim Horton's at all hours of the night because no one was telling me I needed to be in at a certain time...I had never had that before. Having to be home at 9pm when all of your friends are allowed out til 11pm is a BIG drag and makes you feel like a HUGE loser when you're 16 years old.

Anyway, during one of my late night visits to Timmy's, I saw a girl I hadn't seen in years. We went to grade school together and she left after Grade 5. After talking for a few minutes she said, "OMG YOU'LL BE PERFECT FOR MY UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOUR!!!" and we made plans to get together the next night.