Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Popcorn, Cherry Popsicles and Cauliflower

THOSE are my cravings so far. That and a sandwich...but not just any sandwich....a big, honkin' sandwich with lots of lettuce and tomatoes and sub sauce and mayo and......yeah. And so far, I'm NOT craving the smell of Comet as I did with the twins and Niko. I'M SO GLAD!!!

I was watching a Baby Story and Bringing Home Baby today on TLC and I was SOOOOO weepy!!! Here are my issues:

~ I'm afraid that I will feel differently towards this baby than I do to the boys...Jonah really. When I was pregnant with Jonah, I didn't have that feeling like I wouldn't have enough love for both of them...I'm not sure if it was because I had been away from James so much that we don't have the bond I'd like to have or what the deal was but I wasn't worried and didn't have any of these feelings. It's new to me and it scares me and makes me very sad. I'm sure it's normal but it still sucks none-the-less.

~ I'm afraid of giving birth again. My last two births have not exactly gone smoothly. The twins were born via emergency c-section. I had a section scheduled but they had their own schedule...they came 5 weeks early, 3 weeks before the scheduled section and they were breech. The c-section is by far the worst experience (physically) of my entire life. It was very scary and the nurses and doctors are desensitized and think it's 'normal' to be afraid and so on and so forth and therefore don't offer much in the way of comfort. Then with Niko, I bled. ALOT. So much so that my blood pressure dropped severely and made me throw up (one of my worst fears is throwing up) and made me weak for about 2 weeks after he was born. Other than that the birth was great but recovering from that was pretty awful...how would I take care of a newborn in that condition? I think I would tell them to give me the blood transfusion they debated on so that I could recover better. I had a transfusion after the twins as well and I felt better almost immediately.

~ I'm afraid that if we have a girl this time I won't know what to do with her. I've taken care of two baby boys...easy, peasy, lemon squeezy. Girls are all new parts!!! I have them myself but I've never had to care for anyones but my own!!! Lots of learning to do if she's a girl!

~ I'm feeling very ambivilant at times and while I've read that it's normal, I've been nothing but excited for my own babies in the past so this is new to me. I already love this baby SOOO much and I cannot wait for their arrival but on the otherhand I'm SCARED! It's been four and will be almost five years when they come....I'm out of practice!

Anyway, those are my issues to say the least...this is all piled on top of normal pregnancy stuff like morning sickness and mood swings.

I feel bad for my family!

2 comments:

Bohemian Single Mom said...

SO NORMAL!!!(except for that cauliflower thing -blah!)
You are so fine! Of course you feel different about this baby. It's only natural. Look at how different your circumstances are for this one. Circumstances create feelings and that's all it is. Feelings.

You love all your children equally for the individuals that they are. It's just that this is the first baby where you will have a committed, loving man by your side the whole time. Imagine that? Of course you're feeling out of balance! This is so new to you!

As for childbirth, I don't think you have anything to worry about. There are no artifical hormones in your system this time. Your peanut and the umbilical cord are growing naturally. Your body will do what it needs to naturally. You're very strong and I think your body knows you're ready for another pregnancy or it wouldn't have happened so soon.
As for having a girl, you've known T. since almost forever and you've always been so natural with her. You'll know exactly what to do with a girl, nothing to worry about there.
And I really, really hope this one's a girl!
((hugs))

Anonymous said...

Hey...there's only ONE different part to girls! Wipe front to back..that's all you need to remember! You'll do fine :)!