A productive, tasty day!

Today we attended the open house for our wedding venue/caterer.  We got to view all the options and sample all the menu options so that we could make an educated decision....and we have decided!

For those close enough to us to make our bare bones guest list, they will be serenaded by our harpist while dining on the following:

A Basket of 5 Different Breads
Ceasar Salad
Penne Pasta with Tomato Sauce
Chicken with White Wine Mushroom Sauce
Baked Salmon
Potato Medley with purple, pink, white and sweet potatoes
Honey Glazed Baby Carrots
and
Broccoli with Mornay Sauce

For dessert, we will have Hot Apple Blossoms and Chocolate Raspberry Tartufo
Coffee and Tea will accompany dessert

Our guests will dine on chocolate brown table clothes with burnt orange napkins to match our wedding colours.  The chair covers will also be chocolate with orange bows.  In the centre of each table will be a 9 inch square clear glass vase with tiger lily's and a raffia bow.  The head table will be covered in ivory table cloths with white lights across the front and at the ends will be wrought iron candelabras.

After dinner and speeches, our guests will party the rest of the night away with Dancemaster DJ and enjoy an open bar.

I'm soooo freakin excited that this is all decided!!!  It makes it that much more REAL!!!  It was a very productive day that I had been looking forward to since July.

6 months, 5 days and counting!!!

Comment changes and some random thoughts

I've had to make some changes on my comments due to a bunch of spam I've been recieving.  I'm still allowing anonymous comments, mostly because I don't care and partly because the last one was such a positive thing for me...so from now on, you'll have to confirm the comment with the letters so I don't get so much spam.

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I have an on going situation with some people that I don't really get along with (or, rather, they don't get along with me).  It's been quiet for a while.  I can't help but have that gut feeling that something is about to happen with them.  Like because it's been so quiet, I can only expect that SOMETHING is going to come up.  It's like these people are attracted to the drama of fighting and arguing and it's been a while so you know they're going to need a fix soon.  So yeah, I don't have anything to write about with them at the moment but stay tuned, I think something is waiting in the wings.

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Our little girl is going to be 10 months old on Saturday.  TEN MONTHS!  She's starting to cruise on a walker toy that we have for her (though she falls quite a bit so we can't leave her side when she's playing with it), she's started to wave, she's talking up a storm and even though it doesn't make any sense it's freakin adorable!  I can't believe in two short months she's going to be a year old already!  It sure did fly by.

I'm back and forth about having another one.  Sometimes I can't imagine our family without another little one and then other times I think about how much pain I was in when I was pregnant with Marryn and wonder if I can do it again.  Our initial thought was we'd try again right after the wedding but now I'm thinking we should either wait until she's about 3 and close to going to school or just get a puppy instead lol.  I think we'll have to play it by ear after all the busy-ness of the wedding is done.

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Jonah is sick again.  I swear, the kid is sick at LEAST once a month.  A friend of mine mentioned that I should get him some homeopathic stuff to help boost his immune system so I'm going to look into that.  I feel so bad for the poor guy!  Everyone else is fine but he is sick all the time!  My mom said I was the same way and he is also showing all the signs of allergies like me so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

James is good...the same.  Other than being a typical 12.5 year old and the bit of attitude that goes along with the age he's doing well despite some stuff he has to go through.  He's incredibly resilient and I'm so proud of him.

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The wedding stuff is all the same right now.  Our stag and doe is 3 months from tomorrow!  I have all the stuff booked for that, I just have to buy alcohol and arrange food.  I'm looking forward to it.  3 months after that is the wedding!  It's flying by and soon we'll be married!!!

Fine tuning

I'm working on my wedding guest list and am in the process of fine tuning.  I never realized what a diffucult task this is!

I've spoken before about our budget and how I'm trying to balance budget with not offending anyone and not inviting anyone I have to worry about on that day...I'm also trying to figure out who is "most important" to us and who we really want to be there.

How do you choose between family that you see rarely and friends you don't really talk to anymore even though they've been your friend for a long time, from friends that you see and talk to often and family that you see more often than just at family gatherings?

I've got our guest list narrowed down to 125 adults (which is what we have to pay for anyway) and 12 children/teens.  There are about 60 guests on the "B List" that I would LOVE to have there but at this point in time they don't fit into our budget.

I think at this point we just have to suck it up and go with what we have.  If people are offended, they will either have to get over it and realize that we're paying for this ourselves, or not get over it and they weren't really worth having there anyway!

What I've learned in this process is that there will ALWAYS be someone offended in some way.  You can't please all of the people all of the time and you have to go with what you think is best.  Bottom line, this is our day...the end result will be the same!

New found talent

I'm taking a painting class and I LOVE it...I didn't think I even knew how to paint but turns out, I do!  Here are some of the things I've painted since November with the last being one of the memory jars we'll be using at our wedding on the memorial table...I painted that one all by myself outside of painting class, I'm quite proud of it!!

Anonymous comment = Helpful Reminder

After the post I wrote yesterday, someone...I don't know who for sure...decided that they would write a nasty comment about how self absorbed and fat and lazy I am...not to mention that my life is crap and I should go and stand in the lightning and quit whining and maybe my children would be better off that way.

This cowardly comment was a helpful reminder that my life is NOT crap.  That I, like every person, have flaws and am human and therefore I'm not alwasy wearing rose coloured glasses.  That, like most people, I do get stressed but that overall I'm pretty fackin happy with my life!

My children are happy and well cared for.  My bills are paid.  I have a job that I'm enjoying.  I'm engaged to the most wonderful man I could have ever asked for.  I'm honing a talent that I didn't even know I had and it's giving me immense joy.  Sure, my house is a mess (which is WAY different from dirty!) but my kids and future husband are happy, fed and entertained!

We're getting married in October...which, for anyone who has planned a wedding, knows that it's a stressful time trying to fit everyone in so that no one is offended yet trying to weed out those, who although they may be offended, you have to worry about doing something horrible on your day.  Trying to make sure that my guy's HUGE family can all be included and no one left out is a feat in itself because weddings ARE expensive.  For this anonymous person to suggest spending my money on my kids and instead "going to the justice of the peace" or whatever is ridiculous and obviously doesn't know me or our families very well...which is ok, I wouldn't expect them to.  We don't do that here in Canada.  You have to have someone marry you...you can't just go to city hall or the court house.  It doesn't work that way.

Not to mention, I WANT to have a wedding.  I want to stand in front of all of our family and friends and declare just how much I love him and that I will love him and take care of him and our family for the rest of our lives.  It is not something I am entering into lightly and to elope just doesn't seem like enough.  I don't expect you to understand, and you don't have to...I'm entitled to feel however I feel.

If the money doesn't come together (which I'm sure it will, but until it's physically available, I'll worry), then of course, we will scale down (brilliant idea anonymous, I'm working on cutting the guest list already as it is!) and have the biggest back yard pot luck wedding there ever was.  And I know all of our family and friends will be there to support us in that.  Because that's what family and friends do...they support each other.

So, to whomever it is that doesn't think my "whining" here is justified...a big eff u!  I'm glad you won't be back to read so I won't take up anymore of your time.  I'm sure your house is perfectly spotless with your 4 children while you work 45 hours a week.  I'm sure that life is peachy keen at the Bitchy McAnonymous household.

But here?  We stress, we worry and we are a bit messy. 
But we're HAPPY.

Anxiety and stress

Easter weekend turned out to be CRAP.  Both the boys ended up with some stomach flu...Jonah was throwing up on Friday and James was throwing up on Saturday.

I know I've mentioned it before but I have a vomitting phobia.  It was so bad on Saturday that I had to resort to medication to calm myself down.  It was horrible and I haven't had an attack like that in a long time (and hope it's a while before something like that happens again!!!).  While I'm glad I got the medication to begin with, I wish I didn't have to take it at all.

I feel....I don't even know the words.  Defective?  Ridiculous?  I don't know .  But I hate it.  It's something that is a natural bodily reaction to harmful bacteria in our bodies and I FREAK THE FUCK OUT.  Like, involuntary shaking at my core.  Hyperventilating.  Feeling sick myself (which is something that has continued on and off since Friday and is one of the most horribly side effects of this "syndrome").

On top of all of that I'm feeling VERY stressed about the financial aspects of the wedding.  It's very hard to see that the money will appear and go exactly where we need it to!  In turn....stress.  Which also causes more anxiety.  Vicious cycle.

This has also started appearing in my house as MESS.  I'm continually trying to get my mind off of my anxiety and therefore either coming on the computer or watching a movie or going for a drive.  My house is a disaster area right now and I'm bound and determined to get SOMETHING done today....ANYTHING.  Just so it doesn't look like this anymore.

Right now, however, there is a bit of a thunderstorm headed our way and it's so dark in here I may have to turn on a light...I think I'll wait for it to pass and then get to work...it will only be a short-lived storm.

So, that's the plan, enjoy the storm, wait for the baby to sleep, then clean and try to stop stressing and panicking so much....

Please wish me luck....I need it!