Half-Baked

Well, 20 weeks today! Half way there and it feels like yesterday that I was peeing on sticks just to see those two pink lines!!!

It's amazing, every day I grow more connected to this little life that's growing inside me. I have less worry about not having a big enough heart to love all of these children. I still worry about the birth and what will happen...I'm scared something may happen to me or my uterus but I try not to dwell too much...there's nothing I can do until that time comes and it's still 20 weeks away!

I have still not heard from the court house as to whether they'll approve my request for an urgent motion so that I won't be held in contempt of court when I don't do "my share" of the driving each weekend. By Friday it won't matter anymore and the worst part is I know that even if they do call by then it won't be until next week that we get in there at which point AGAIN it won't matter. Though the boy doesn't want to go this weekend anyway and will stay home so I won't TECHNICALLY be "deliberatley disobeying the court order"...the D-bag told the boy that it's up to him when he comes now and he doesn't want to go because he doesn't want to help them move. Last weekend when he picked him up he asked if he could have him Thursday night until the following Monday and keep him out of school on the Friday and the boy spoke up and said, "Why so I can help you move?" and the D-bag said yes. I don't think that's very fair really....he's barely there and then he has to help them pack and clean and move everything??? Not a very fun kind of "spending time with my dad" kind of weekend.

And then there's the fact that he came home from last weekend and told me that the D-bag's girlfriend told him that he's not allowed to bring his Nintendo DS anymore...I swear they're trying to make him NOT want to go anymore.

He also said that she told him that if he gets all C's again on his next report card he'll be grounded there. It really burns my ass when they say shit like that...that is NOT positive reinforcement. When the boy came home with a report card that looked like that I asked him what he thought. He said he wasn't happy with it. I told him that if he wasn't happy with it then he needed to try his best to get better grades. I did NOT punish him...I don't think that's the way to handle stuff like that and it is discouraging to a child, especially in the middle of the term, reports are due to go home in a month. Now he's going to worry about what his report is going to look like until he gets it...it's not right. If the boy would just buckle down and do the WORK that's given to him he'd get amazing grades...this is not a question of whether or not he CAN do it...it's that he's NOT doing it and I've been working with him to make sure he does it but there is only so much I can do from home.

The D-bag is just pushing him further and further away and I'm not sure if he realizes that or not. It's sad but the boy will come to his own conclusions about his father and one day will form his own opinions as well...I don't think it will be pretty.