Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Facts and Reasonings

Just some things I need to get off my chest...the person involved will know it's for them...anyone who's "wondering" if it's about them, it's probably not.

This time in my life is an extremely happy time, no matter the amount of stress or the amount of shit people try to put on me.  It doesn't matter what you say, or how you say it. 

I'm not nervous or anxious about our wedding.  We're secure and happy and loving and trusting and loyal to each other in our relationship.  We don't say mean things to each other and when we argue, it's short lived and we apologize to each other if we happen to hurt one another or if we're wrong.  We never go to bed angry and we always say I love you.  We're affectionate with each other.  We enjoy each other's company.  We could talk for hours.  Or we could be quiet for hours and it's not uncomfortable.  I miss him when he's away for a couple hours and he tells me the same thing, yet we're both independent enough to go out without one another to hang out with other friends, and we trust each other to do so.  He has lovingly accepted my children as his own, has already adopted one and is in the process of adopting the other.  We have created a beautiful daughter together.  We are kind to each other, we are considerate of each other and we respect each other.

This is the foundation for an amazing marriage.

It may not be traditional, but it will be beautiful nonetheless.  I will wear white even though I'm clearly not virginal.  We will stand before our friends and family, the ones who support us and our marriage, say our vows and commit to one another, for our whole lives.

Then, we will eat dinner and party on a beautiful day in October (as if there are no beautiful days in October, how could there not be with all that colour and coolness and crispness in the air!  Even if it rains or snows it will still be lovely!).  Our guests will dress up in Halloween costumes (or not lol) because we love the holiday so much we've added the theme to our wedding reception.  They will eat and drink and dance and laugh and have a wonderful time.

But even if none of that happens, even if we have some unforeseen circumstances and our reception hall falls down the day before, we'll still get married, and then we'll order pizza and find a backyard and still, we will celebrate and have a fantastic time.  Because it's not about the dress, cake, church, food, music, reception hall, limo, flowers, guests or anything else.......it's about Jeremy and I becoming ONE.

To you, the naysayer, the one who is oh-so-negative about this wonderful and deserved event in my life.

Poo on you.  Poo poo poo.

I'm am NOT, nor have I EVER, made my children go without ANYTHING, ESPECIALLY food, so I could afford this wedding.  There are things, such as braces, that will be postponed a couple of months (with no consequences might I add), so that we can have the wedding first.  And, in our defense, we didn't know about the braces before we started planning and this does NOT mean he won't be getting them (much to his chagrin).  Not that it's any of your business anyway.  Last Saturday we went and signed our boys up for bowling for the second year.  $45/child plus $16/week.  Not a necessity but something they both enjoy and are good at...so we found the money to do it, even though the wedding is a huge expense.  Last night, we took them to their swimming lessons...again, not free, but we figure it out...even with my "big traditional wedding".  They're not deprived in any way.

The night of our stag and doe?  You offered the pizza, this coming from my eldest's mouth.  And when children say they're STARRRRVVVVIIIINNNNG!!!!!!, it does not mean you haven't fed them in a week and a half, it means that they're over dramatic because they're 6 and 12 and they haven't eaten....since their last meal 3 hours ago.  And there was plenty of food in the cupboards, fridge and freezer.  Yes, we were busy, we didn't cook a frigging pot roast, but there was food to eat, all they had to do was go and make it.  Every other night of the week, every other night of the year, we sit down to dinner as a family and they leave the table full.  Trust me, they're perfectly capable.  So stop telling people I'm starving my children.

Our oldest son has a slight "health" problem.  In your "humble" opinion, we should be getting a Dr. to "fix" it instead of paying for our wedding (not sure where you live but health care here is FREE).  FYI, he has a pediatrician and a regular Dr., we've tried several different meds, sleep therapy and just regular "over the counter" stuff recommended.  Nothing has worked and our Dr.'s advise that he will grow out of it.  Again, not that it's any of your business but you seem to be under the impression that we're IGNORING the issue...I assure you we are not.  But thank you for your opinion, duly noted.

The tattoo I covered?  I covered it because it's a place in past I won't be a part of anymore.  I'm not hiding anything, those who matter, know.  Those who don't, don't need to, and if they ask, I'll be honest.  I don't feel the need to hide it.  I'm not ashamed.  But I also respect my future husband who asked me, "Why don't you cover that before the wedding?".  So I did just that.  And my arm?  I'm covering that too, but not because it's a rainbow, because it was done poorly.  I have plans to have another rainbow on my back at some point...not covering, fixing.  I want to be proud of the art I have on my body that will be in my wedding pictures, that is all.

As for me "being with him for the money, van and roof", whatever.  That's so far from the truth.  You think that I didn't help with any of the things we have?  You think it was all him that paid for everything?  Oh right, I forgot, I'm fat and lazy and selfish right?  Have a mirror handy????  We're in an equal partnership...we both contribute to this relationship, whether it's paying for things or doing things for each other and helping out around the house cooking meals and doing laundry.  Our whole family is involved in making our home run smoothly...it's not just financial.  And again, not that it's any of your business, but FYI, yes he is the breadwinner, but that doesn't mean that I don't contribute at all.  I'm not a "welfare case" and collecting while lying about it or something like that.  I have a job, I go to work and I work my damned ass off for peanuts.  But, it's a contribution.  And then I come home and I take care of our three children.  I care for them while he's at work.  I don't just work "part time".  Life is a full time job!

You, are not a real friend.  I'm sure these opinions of yours are not new.  You have always thought that I don't deserve the things I have.  Why?  Because I was weak at one point in my life?  Because I was on welfare before?  My past does NOT make me a bad person and undeserving.  I have made some bad choices in my life, but I have also worked my ASS of to get where I am today.  You don't just "find some guy to pay for everything".  It doesn't work that way.  I've had to work at it to get this far.  I am only as selfish as normal human beings are...and we are all selfish in some way.  Sure, I want things to go my way, who doesn't?!  But I don't hurt people or lie or say mean things because someone is doing better for themselves.  And I certainly don't do those things to get ahead in my own life.

I didn't forget about you or not have time for you....I'm choosing to walk away.  I'm choosing to not have time for the drama.  I'm choosing to not be friends with someone who constantly puts me down and calls me selfish.  (I think you forgot about the time you burned your house down and I didn't even blink an eye before offering you a place to stay, not sure if that's selfish or not.)  You talk about me behind my back to other people, mutual friends, and people who you have no business contacting and if you were a friend, would have never contacted in the first place knowing all the shit he's done and put me and his son through over the last 13 years.  And you do this because you don't have the balls to confront me about things you're not happy with....

Oh I forgot, you don't have balls, you have a vagina right?

No comments: