39 weeks 4 days

.................still pregnant.

When I was pregnant with James, today was the day that labour started for me. I remember not doing a whole lot that day...just laying on the couch sleeping for most of the day. I lost my plug in the late morning, early afternoon and realized I was having contractions somewhere around 5 pm. I had him at 9:13 the next morning.

I'm hoping today goes a little the same way!!

I'm so tired now, it hurts to just roll over in bed. I'm irritable. I'm sure I'm NOT a pleasure to be around these days though I'm TRYING not to take it out on my family....I feel bad for them!

So, anyone who's reading, please send me labour vibes, I could REALLLLY use them right now!!!

39 weeks tomorrow...

To be honest I didn't really think I'd make it this far...the only baby I've carried longer was James (39 weeks 5 days).

Can I PUHHHLLLEEEEEEEAAAASSSSEEEEE give birth now????

38 Weeks

Wow...38 weeks. Almost done carrying this little boy!! I have a Dr's appointment today and I believe we'll be discussing whether or not to induce. I will update when I get back this afternoon.

In other news, all the paper work is signed for the adoption (finally) and I'm just about half way through the stupid 21 days I have to wait. My lawyer's assisstant is on vacay til July 14th so nothing will be done until that day...then I have to go in and sign some form that says I waited the 21 days and then they can file it. Hopefully it will go quickly after that.....and hopefully my lawyer won't have to do much more work either as I just received the bill for the work they've done so far.....$1300 later. *sigh* I really was hoping it wouldn't cost us that much and they're not even done with the case yet! So, we'll see...I bet it costs around $2000 total....even though everyone consented and I could have done this myself.

Jer finally got a new job too!! He's now a pipefitter apprentice in the plumber's and steamfitter's union....YAY! I'm so happy for him...he really deserved a break and it finally came.

Anyway, I'll update again like I said after I get home from the Dr.'s....here's hoping for some news....any news....about getting this baby out. I'm SOOOO done!!!


***UPDATE***

Not dilated, not ready to give birth, no induction....still miserable, hot, huge and tired.....and will be for another week at least. Next friday is my next appointment. *sigh*

37 Weeks tomorrow!

Full term...gone by fast but this last bit is going sooooo slow.

Results in just 6 days!

I can't believe the difference in size and shape in just 6 days...
34 weeks 6 days in the red and 35 weeks 5 days in the pink....

*@$^*%$@

ARE YOU KIDDING??????

*sigh*

So, news on the adoption front.

*I*.....I, have to sign the same consent as bio dad.

But not only do I have to sign this consent, I also have to sign it with a DIFFERENT lawyer than the one I'm ALREADY PAYING FOR.

But not only do I have to sign this consent in front of a different lawyer, I then have to wait 21 DAYS....to give me time to change my mind.....................................................

No, really.

No......really....I'm not kidding.

So, thursday, pick up the paper, go to the legal clinic, hope to God they'll sign with me. If not, find a lawyer and pay anywhere from $150-$200 for a signature. Then, wait the 21 days, go back to the regularly paid lawyer and sign a paper that says I've waited the 21 days and I haven't changed my mind....THEN file it with the court and wait for a judge to look it over and see if there is anything else they want.....at this rate, I expect there will be.

Drop it like it's hot!

33 weeks 6 days on the left and 34 weeks 6 days on the right


Dropped, engaged, lightened......baby has moved DOWN!

Meme

Topic you most often blog about? Personal life and things that annoy the hell out of me that I feel like venting about, hence the soapbox part of my blog title.

Person you most often blog about?(other than yourself) Probably my kids and Jer...

Do you eat or drink at your computer? Yes, I spend a lot of time at this computer...

Blogging Quirks? I always feel the need to wait to blog until I have something long enough to post about...I don't usually leave short posts.

How would a stranger describe your blog in 5 words or less? Hahaha, probably boring with a hint of bitch every now and then :D

Do you use your own photography or pics that you find on line? Mostly my own, but both.

How much time do you spend blogging? I spend a whole lot more time reading blogs than I do posting on my own...I just don't think most people would be interested in my day to day life so I only post about the stuff that I think would be relatively interesting to someone else...like adoption woes, or surrogacy stuff...and once in a while, like I said before, stuff that annoys me that I feel the need to vent about and don't really have anyone to vent TO. lol

How long have you been blogging? Off and on for a few years but this is the first one I've really kept up on.

Do you agree or disagree with the recent article that reported that blogs are authored by narcissists? I think it's a load of crap....what's a narcissist?? :D


Why do you blog? To keep people up to date on important stuff going on in my life (I'm not a big phone person) and because, as stated before, I need a place to vent about stuff that annoys me...stuff most people wouldn't care about much and besides, who wants to listen to me bitch?? lol If they're interested in how I feel about it, they can come read my blog!

Who do you tag? EVERYBODY!!!

Signed, sealed, delivered...

Well all the paperwork is signed for the adoption process except one form that is new that I didn't receive with my package when I went to the court house to get the documents in the first place....which means since February they've added/changed another form. However, once this form is filled out and signed, all the paperwork can be filed before the judge...my lawyer's assistant says it shouldn't be long now. I hope that's the case but I'm definitely not holding my breath! EVERYTHING has taken SOOO long. We'd had hopes that it would be done by Father's Day so that we could celebrate (I wanted to have a big BBQ with both families to celebrate the legal-ness of it all and get Jer some "It's a Boy!" balloons) but since everything has taken way longer than expected, I don't think it will be. Though I would still like to celebrate when it is finalized.

On another note, we're debating on giving our notice at this apartment July 1st for a September 1st move due to our VERY loud and VERY inconsiderate neighbours. We've complained to the landlord a number of times but because they pay their rent on time and haven't caused any other problems, he says there's nothing he can (or will, I say) do about it except just continue to ask them to keep it down. Well, we've been here since July 2007, that hasn't worked yet, we've even called the police once to ask them to keep it down, they said they would, they haven't, I doubt they'll start anytime soon!!!!

There are some pro's and some con's about moving. Con's mostly being that we haven't even been here a year and it would suck to move again, the landlord is great otherwise, the house fits us all and we have a basement and I really enjoy that we have a yard for the kids.

Pro's are that we would save a ton in gas money because we drive back and forth to Welland all the time to see family plus Port Colborne is closer which is the other place that sucks up all our gas (we would move to Welland if we moved from here), we'd be closer to all that family, Welland is central to everywhere in the Niagara Region, rent is cheaper and we could probably get a 3 bedroom for what we pay here for our 2 bedroom....I'm sure I could think of more but those are the main ones.

So, I'm not entirely sure what to do about it but the neighbours are making me crazy....I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones (though Jer is bothered by it too and a couple of times Jonah has come and said "I can't sleep, there's too much banging" when they're particularly loud) or what but I couldn't even concentrate to watch "Across the Universe" the other night. We had to shut it off, it just wasn't worth watching it with the amount of noise.

Any advice???

Super Creep

Prime Minister Stephen Harper

Is he not like, the devil himself?? Is it just me or do his eyes scream "PURE EVIL!!!"??

(Not to mention he has snap-on hair like a lego person!)

Dear God, please save me from your "good people"

A friend and I were perusing bumper stickers yesterday when I came across this one:

I laughed hysterically!

Then I thought about it...it's true, there are some "Good People" who are really friggin scary! So many who are trying to "spread the word of God" and who are going about it the entirely wrong way!

One example of this is the Pro-Lifers as my good friend wrote about in his blog last night. My other friend has a couple friends who are so Pro-life it's sick. They take it to extremes and don't think about the mother or the baby AFTER the birth...just before hand. They think about the fetus and how it's a baby and it's wrong to abort. And while I agree with that on MOST levels, there are some times when abortion SHOULD and NEED to be thought of.

One of these times is when the mother's health is in danger. I read another blog that has the perfect example of this...it's tragic and it's very, very sad, but she would not be here if it were not for "partial birth abortion" if you can call it that. For her to endure such pain and then have to defend her decision to Pro-Lifer's is beyond me...don't they think if she could have chose to live AND have her baby boys live that she wouldn't have??? GRR. It's not something a mother aspires to do. "Oh, I think I'll get pregnant and then at 22 weeks I'll abort."

Another example is when the mother is a crack/heroin/coke/any-other-messed-up-drug or alcohol addict and the baby will be born addicted as well. What a life for that child. If the mother has any sort of compassion/mind even though she's that messed up that she chooses to abort rather than bring a child into the world that will have nothing but problems because of numerous disabilities than why should we not support her in that decision?? Why do Pro-lifer's have to condemn her to hell for choosing better for her child and herself and our governments budget? You know if that child is born it will be on government assistance for the rest of it's life. There are very few addicts who give birth to perfectly healthy babies! We already have enough unhealthy infants who either die or are killed by caregivers who didn't want them in the first place!! Why put the financial strain on our healthcare system if the mother doesn't want them anyway??????

I think any Pro-lifer would scream ADOPTION at me right now. Because, well, adoption is the answer, is it not?

NO. IT'S NOT. It's a long drawn out process that takes years and years and tons of money unless the child is perfectly healthy! And even then, red tape will hold up that process as well! (See my posts about our step-parent adoption-in-progress that is taking us time and money when we have consents signed and everyone is in agreement about it!) It's a ridiculous system and really needs to be looked at but I don't think it ever will.

Now, I may get some slack for this post, and don't get me wrong, I don't think abortion is the answer to life's problems when you had sex without birth control with your boyfriend who you've been with for 2 years but you "just don't love him enough" or "aren't ready to be a mother".

You should have thought of that before you took your pants off.

But there are some instances that abortion IS the answer. It IS the right decision for some circumstances and taking away that right is NOT someone elses business.

Pro-lifer's need to provide resources AFTER the fact, not just counsel women to not have an abortion and then leave them high and dry with a baby to take care of when they're the most vulnerable and hormonal. That's how baby's get thrown in dumpsters or suffocated or thrown against walls. It's disgusting and sad but it's the truth...there need to be more resources for those who choose to keep their babies.

Pro-lifer's need to tone it down a bit...just my opinion.

THE cutest thing....

Jonah decided to stick his beloved blanket under his jammies tonight and come to me and say:

"See, just like you Mommy!!"

Can it GET any cuter than that?????

32 Weeks

32 weeks....8 weeks to go, give or take. I'm starting to feel VERY pregnant and things are getting more and more uncomfortable...but I'm hanging in there!

I called the lawyer this morning. Paper work is almost finished but they need to serve bio dad with a certified copy of the custody order we had in February 2006. I have NO idea why and the only answer I got when I asked was that it was "court rules" for the adoption. Stupid if you ask me, they already have his consent. But, whatever I guess. We have to go in on May 26th to sign papers and for Jer to give more information about why he wants to adopt Jonah....apparently there wasn't enough in the first affidavit (which was like two pages long) about why he felt he would be a better father..............well, given the fact that he's there and bio dad isn't, that would be a pretty good reason he's better already if you ask me!

I just can't believe this thing is so friggin complicated. It seems pretty damned simple to me...

I got pregnant, when I was 6 weeks along, bio dad decided he didn't "want to" anymore...so he left, without telling me where he was going, and I didn't talk to him or hear from him or see him for a whole month. After the first week, I got it and accepted the fact that I would be raising the baby on my own....fast forward to birth...bio dad came 9 hours after he was born to see him, held him for 5 minutes and then went to wait outside for his ride and smoke....his ride was in my room visiting me and the baby. For the first 6 months of Jonah's life, bio dad came a handful of times to visit, usually on the urging of his currently pregnant girlfriend....once they broke up shortly after his second son was born when Jonah was 11 months old, his contact ended.

At the 6 month old mark, enter Jer....great friend and occassional babysitter.....who eventually just never left and became daddy to Jonah (and of course incredible signifigant other to myself and awesome step-dad to James).....Jer is Jonah's whole entire world. Jer is everything a father should be and more...all you have to do is see them together to know that the father son bond is not only there but stronger than any DNA link could be. Any judge would see that immediately....it sucks that there has to be so much red tape and paperwork involved in something that is being done for love....it's really sad actually.....hopefully it will be all over and legal soon.

*Sigh*

Still no word from the lawyer....I have a feeling this is going to take forever. Thank God I decided to put Jonah in the french daycare so that at least we have a good shot at getting him into the french school in September for kindergarten. (Seriously, how is my baby starting kindergarten already????? *sniff*)

Everything is going well with Baby N...Almost 32 weeks...I can't beleive it's almost over already!!! These pregnancies have definitely gone faster than my own! I'm guessing it's because I'm not anticipating a baby at the end and waiting and waiting to finally see what I've created....it's a different sort of feeling. I'm excited to see Baby N but not in the way I was excited to see my own children. I think I'm more excited to sleep a full night through without waking up to pee!!!! :D

Anyway, just a short post today because it's been a while but I don't have anything to say really...I may call the lawyer today to see where we're at progress wise...and then later this week I'll be posting another belly picture...later!!

Children's Aid/FACS.....yay.

Well we went to the lawyer yesterday to start the adoption with him....and he informed us that we will probably have to have a home study done by FACS.



I. HATE. FACS.

They are the WORST organization to deal with and to have to invite them into my home scares the SHIT out of me.

They can do whatever they want....and I know this because of what has happened to me in the past.

I'm afraid that they may hinder this process for us....and if they do that, the shit will hit the fan because I will most likely take my story to the media at that point.

After having my 7 year old son left in a home where they had JUST removed pot plants, be it 2 or 28, I think the media would have a hayday with that one!

So, I guess we'll see how it goes.

Meme

Not tagging anyone, do it if you feel like it!

1. What I was doing five years ago:
~Being severely depressed and slightly crazy....

2. Five things on my to-do list:
~ laundry
~ clean the porch
~ find a job I can do from home
~ make a payment to ICS before they decide they won't let me graduate because I owe them money all the time :S
~ find a new book to read

3. Five favourite smells:
~ patchouli
~ comet cleanser (though this will change when I'm not pregnant anymore)
~ pine sol (see above)
~ bon-fires
~ Karma soap from Lush

4. Five junk-food items I enjoy:
~ fast food of just about any kind
~ chocolate
~ pepperettes
~ cream soda
~ chips and dip

5. Five favourite articles of clothing:
~ maternity yoga pants
~ maternity capri yoga pants lol
~ maternity shorts (might as well be yoga shorts lol)
~ grey flimsy maternity shirt
~ maternity sweater
*I like all of these articles of clothing even when I'm not pregnant....they're just TOOOOO comfortable to put them away...so I wear them around the house lol

6. Five things I would do if I was a billionaire:
~ make sure my family & friends had everything they needed
~ build a brand new custom house with like 8 bedrooms and have more children!
~ open a home for unwed teen mothers that does NOT insist on preaching to them through out their entire pregnancy...
~ go on vacation for as long as I feel like
~ send my kids to private school

7. Five of my bad habits:
~ I'm needy...can't help it
~ I'm addicted to chapstick
~ I procrastinate too much
~ I like to get my own way :S
~ I am too forgiving...like even when I shouldn't be....it's bad....

8. Five jobs I've had:
~ China Star...most horrible job I ever had in my whole life.
~ telemarketer
~ Food Basics cashier
~ Subway Sandwich Artist
~ Car financing/admin assistant

9. Five all time favourite movies:
~ Almost Famous
~ Circle of Friends
~ Empire Records
~ Girl, Interupted
~ Napoleon Dynamite

10. Five favourite bands/musicians:
~ Ani DiFranco
~ Incubus
~ Beatles
~ Maroon 5
~ Cake

Third Trimester

27 weeks 5 days.....I think he may be a big baby!

Information that would have been useful LAST THURSDAY.

Well, the court house called. *sigh*..............................*rolls eyes*

We need a certified copy of the statement of live birth (that will cost $35.00 and can only be paid for with a credit card) before they will even look at the application.

Also, "things need to be consistent!" according to the lady on the phone...

What things you might ask? Things such as the names on the forms....it seems we've put different names as the person who was applying. I asked for an example.

Lady: "Well, on one form, you have J.M.L listed as the applicant, and on another one you have J.L. listed as the applicant." *Note, that the J's and L's are the EXACT SAME NAME.

Me: "Yes, well some of the forms asked for 'Name' and the others asked for 'Full name', hence why we've written M, J's middle name on some of the forms but not the others."

Lady: "Well, it has to be consistent."

Me: *sigh*

So, in short, she told me that she's never seen a Step-Parent Adoption be accepted and or finalized without legal representation.

Me: "So why didn't someone tell us that we wouldn't be successful without legal representation when we came in to file the application in the first place on Thursday of last week?"

Lady: "I didn't say that it wouldn't be successful without legal representation."

Me: "Well, that's it in a nutshell, no? If you've never seen it happen, then we had best get some representation?"

Lady: "Well, it would be wise if you want this to go through and not be delayed, yes."

Me: *sigh*

Lady: "Would you like me to mail your paper work back to you?"

Me: "Well, I guess so, seeing as you can't do anything with it anyway...*rolls eyes*"



UGH.

So, I called my lawyer...so much for this not costing anything. I'll wait for the paper work to come back, order the statement of live birth (certified copy none the less which costs $10 more than the regular birth certificate, why that won't do I don't know), and make an appointment with my lawyer to start the paper work all over again so that it's CONSISTENT.

My lawyer's assistant says that even with legal representation the court house is ridiculously meticulous about the paper work for adoption...

Information that would have been useful when I picked up the forms to start this process in the first place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why can't they just tell you that from the start???

With a side of sarcasm, please?

Why is it that everytime I go to the court house to do something, the bitch*AHEM* lady behind the counter won't volunteer ANY information at all or if she does, she's super sarcastic about it? Do they take lessons???? JEEZ!

Conversation today while at the court house filing the adoption papers:

Lady: You're going to attempt to do this without a lawyer?

Us: Yes, it would appear that way....

L: Ok, is this everything?

U: Yes...are we missing something?

L: No.

U: *thinking to myself, then why are you asking if this is everything?????*

L: Ok, we'll call you...

U: Call us?

L: Yes, well, you can't expect it to be done on the spot!

U: Well no, but what do you mean call us, don't you give us a court date?

L: No, we'll give this to the clerk and when she's satisfied that it's complete she'll give it to the judge to make the order, if you want to attend, we'll set up a time for that, otherwise you don't need to be here for it to be finalized.

U: Oh, ok, so if something isn't complete you'll let us know and then we will finish what needs to be finished and bring it back in again?

L: Well, no, we can't tell you how to complete it....

U: No, I'm not asking you how to complete it but someone will at least let us know WHAT IT IS that's not complete, right??

L: Oh, yes.

U: Ok...that's all I wanted to know, thanks...we'll wait for your call *ROLLING EYES*


Like really??? And it's that way EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I know they're not allowed to give legal advice but COME ON. At least EXPLAIN to me what you're saying...you may have done this 100 times but this is MY first time....

So, now we sit and wait, and from the way she put it, it sounds like it could be a while before we hear anything. *sigh*

Sunday Scribblings - The Photograph

This is a picture of my father who passed away from lung cancer last June. This is an important/special picture because it was taken about a week before he passed. This photo will always remind me why I don't want to smoke (I am a former smoker) and will always be what I come back to if I ever feel like I want to smoke.





This picture really doesn't represent the man he was:







From top left: My father, my sister Cory, my sister Jenny (who is also passed)
In front: My step mother Barb and Baby me....