Eternal Autumn

New blog

2011-09-02T11:50:00.000-04:00

Endings

2011-08-01T10:42:00.000-04:00

Well, after some reflection, I've decided to end this blog. It's been a place for me to vent and share and even a place for me to be flamed be "anonymous" people (and I put the quotations because I know exactly who "anon" is, even though that person thinks I don't).

I've become uninspired here. I need to start fresh.

Thank you to all who have read and commented and all who have read and stayed lurking. I appreciate you taking the time to read :)

It's been wonderful!

Quiet Reflection/Dream Vacation Dreamboard

2011-07-31T11:20:00.000-04:00

And so it begins...

2011-07-29T08:54:00.000-04:00

I've begun my third surrogate journey by giving 17 vials of blood on Wednesday for my preliminary testing :) I'm very excited as this process is probably going to go very quickly. My IP's have 6 totsicles waiting in the freezer for us and sometime around mid September I'll be transferring a 9 cell, 3 day embryo in to my comfy womb!

The next step at this point is to wait for my cycle to start and then call and get appointments for my HSG and endometrial biopsy and while we're waiting for that, work on contracts.

So, stay tuned for updates, I'm hoping to start posting more here again now that things are moving in my life again! Things were pretty content and normal for a while there, nothing really to write home about and so I wasn't inspired. Now I have things to share so hopefully it will pick up again around here!

Hope everyone is well :)

Busy Busy Busy Busy Busy.....and more Busy.

2011-07-15T15:59:00.003-04:00

It has been a very busy couple of months! I've barely had time to think. I quit the job I got that I mentioned the interview for in the last post, it was a terrible place to work in my opinion but that's a whole other blog post. I got another job in place of it though and I'm just finishing up training and doing my testing on Tuesday :) It's a part time/full time job that I can bring my daughter with me and still have time to do all the stuff I have to at home, it's perfect!

On top of that, I've also matched with new IP's for another surrogacy! YAY! I thought I was done but the more I thought about it the more I felt like I could do it again...especially now that I know for sure I won't be having anymore for myself (Jer was snipped and it was successful). They have some frozen embryo's and I have an appointment at the clinic on the 27th to get everything started. Lawyer stuff will start next week and if all goes well with no snags I will most likely be transferring by mid-September! Soooo excited! I will be due toward the end of the school year so I won't have to take much time off and I will be able to go back to work in September again.

Also, my oldest kiddo James graduated from Grade 8. Already! I was so proud and he was so handsome and is very excited to be starting Grade 9 in September.

Marryn also turned two last month (holy hell did that ever fly by!)...she's great, talking up a storm and as adorable as ever. She won our city's Rose Festival baby contest at the beginning of June and was Rose Bud Queen in the parade. Talk about proud!!!

Jonah is also well, with no front teeth but one adult tooth finally starting to grow in :) He turns 7 in just under 2 weeks. He's very excited to be starting Grade 2 in the fall and is doing well with his reading since we switched him over to English school.

Jer and I are well also, just focusing all of our energy (and what extra money there might be) on finally getting out of debt and working towards starting to look at buying a house by next summer. This Saturday will be a year since our stag and doe and our 1st anniversary is coming up shortly in October...this year totally flew by! Things are going wonderful and everything is looking up. I'm loving life and the things that are coming my way!

Now we're off to a BBQ with friends so I will say so long for now!! Happy Summer!!!

Luck and Happiness and Hard Work

2011-04-19T13:03:00.000-04:00

Things have been going so well over the last while minus finances. However, I worked hard and finished my three courses in three weeks and am now a high school graduate with an interview at the company I spoke about in the last post, tomorrow at 11am. I'm excited about it although a little sad as I love my stay at home mom job! I love baking bread (I haven't bought store bread in almost a month) and muffins and cooking homemade, from scratch dinner everyday. I love being here to fix the boo boo's and sing the Itsy Bitsy Spider while my daughter sits on her potty and we wait for her to eventually pee on it lol. But, money is a necessary evil and we want any chance of buying a house in the next two years, I need to work for a while.

So, I'm comitting to a year of full time work to help dig us out of debt and start some savings.

After a year we'll be much better off financially and I should be able to return to being a SAHM.

I'm excited about it, apparently it's a great place to work!

Jer is doing well also, he gets a small raise in the next few weeks and than a larger one in July. He has two full years left and then he's a journeyman! He's doing great on the job, he's sought after and being fought for by guys who like his work. I'm happy he does such a good job supporting our family :)

James is doing well, same ole same ole, sports and stuff. He graduates in June (already!).

Jonah has switched to english school and he's doing well. He recently lost a front tooth and the other one is about to come out anytime! He's so cute missing a tooth in the front and he talks a little funny :)

Marryn is working on potty training and talking up a storm (most of the time in foreign languages lol). She's repeating lots now and is so cute when she does :)

Life is pretty normal and quiet. Jer's had quite a bit of luck recently though winning his card draw (a pool they do at work) twice since Christmas. The first time was over $900, the second over $300. Then he won the safety award at work, $100 gift card to the Kep Then yesterday he won on 97.7 (our local radio station to which we are very loyal listeners!), a $50 gift certificate to Dicken's Pub and a 1/30 chance to win a trip to Dublin, Ireland! That's our dream vacation!!! They draw the winner Monday morning, I'm so excited!! We're gonna win!!!!! I hope the luck continues!!!

Cross your fingers for us, we'd be taking the Ireland trip in October for our 1st anniversary!!!! :D

Woah.

2011-04-06T08:29:00.000-04:00

Apparently March was No Blog Post Month for me lol...

Things are ok, just super busy. I applied for and ALMOST got a job. The only thing holding me back? 3 elective credits for high school. That was two weeks ago...I'm now in the middle of the last course I need to finally be a high school graduate. And because I have a friend working at this particular company, I still have a shot at the job as long as I can prove I have done these courses to finish my OSSD requirements!

Other than that, the kids are good. I found daycare at a reasonable price for Marryn with a friend of mine who's kids bowl with the boys and who is also Jonah's beaver leader. I'm excited for Marryn to be around kids all day but I'm also sad that I won't be with her full time anymore.

But, we have a plan. The plan is for me to work for a year and get rid of our credit card debt, put some money away and start looking at buying a house...as well as take a short vacay next April.

I'm excited about all these changes but a little weirded out that I'm moving on to this section of my life. I'm trying to find my place and meaning...I'm no longer "child bearing", so now what?? It's a bit unnerving.

But I'm working on it. I'm doing what I need to do to help us get to where we wanna be! We're happy and content and that is all I can ask for :)

"Sending it to the Universe" List

2011-02-28T08:10:00.001-05:00

Full work weeks for Jer....I know that this is something that should resume as of this week but the holidays and January (and most of Feb) were brutal...no more illnesses or recovery periods for him...or any of us really!
More Epicure shows for me, I already have 4 booked for March, a couple more would be great!
A bit of savings...we're living pay cheque to pay cheque since Christmas...I just want to be able to get through the week without having to wait for Thursdays.
SPRING!! Please? Can it be right now? I walked Jonah to the bus today and had puddles in my boots just halfway down the street...this wouldn't be so bad if the puddles were slush!!
Again, spring, so we can start going on our Sunday drives to get fresh local fruit and veg. I soooo miss that!!!
A good plan at the Dr. for James tomorrow. It's been going on forever and I know we'd all feel better if we had some resolution, even if it's bandaid for now.
And, just puttin' it out there, the lottery would be friggin' sweet. I have a lot of people I wish I could help right now, including my good friend Sarah who is putting her house up for sale today...if we won, I'd pay her mortgage off so she didn't have to move...and that's not all...

What do you wish for these days??

Lists

2011-02-23T20:21:00.000-05:00

I'm good at them...I like to make them. This is my list of current things I want. In no particular order.

I want to return to a time or place when I wasn't even thought of yet (think 17th/18th century Ireland and 19th century North America). Lately I can't help but think about the past and our history and wonder how on earth we got to the "place" we're at now on this earth. My fascination with history grows everyday...I long for simpler times and basic household living. Don't get me wrong, I love my computer, but baking a simple loaf of bread gives me more pleasure than buying a new purse or pair of shoes or video game. I want to can jam and pickles and make apple butter. I want to make clothing (even though I don't even know where to begin)...I hope to one day be a "1950's housewife" yet still maintain my own identity and not "obey" my husband but work beside him to run a happy household.
I want, and need, to visit Ireland. In the last 5ish years I've been trying to piece together my family tree. I'm at a road block right now but for as far as I did get, I'm a whole lotta Irish. Throw in some Acadian and French Canadian and Native in there....and I'm pretty sure some Scottish as well....but all in all, mostly Irish. I have found a certain "village" in Ireland where my mother's family originates from and I have a very strong urge to visit there...particularly the graveyards.
I want to learn. There are so many things that I am interested in doing and learning about...the list is virtually endless. Before I'm 50 I hope to take a number of courses at the local college.
I want more time to bake. I love baking. I love seeing the joy and satisfaction on people's faces when they're eating my baked goods. I want to learn more about it (see above) and hope to take the baker's certification course in the future. I don't plan to have it as a career because I don't want to HAVE to do it...it is a hobby and I fear my love of baking would diminish if I were forced to do so everyday.
I want to learn to sew (see the first "I want"). I want to make my children's Halloween costumes and sew my own clothing/costumes.
I want to join a "living historical group" such as the Lincoln Militia. This ties in with my growing love and fascination with history of course. This also ties in with learning to sew.
I want to sharpen my tarot skills. I know how to read them as a basic, I would like to be able to rely on them when I have a difficult decision or be able to help my friends in the same situation.
I want my good friend Sarah's son to get better. If you're new here, you can read about him in previous entries but as a quick recap, he's suffering from AML. He's 9 years old. He just had a bone marrow transplant with the marrow being donated by his little sister. He is currently dealing with Liver Failure. He has been through a ridiculous amount of crap in his short life and I just want things to go back to normal for him and his family so that he can enjoy life again. He is constantly on my mind and I am praying that he recovers quickly from this setback.

I'll be back with more lists in the near future. I find it's a simpler way for me to get my feelings out of my head. I like it :)

Update on random things happening currently (and some recent past things)

2011-02-16T10:15:00.001-05:00

So, the fundraiser didn't go as I'd hoped. There weren't many people there and for the amount of people that RSVP'd that they were coming, I was disappointed. We did manage to raise close to $800 for Sarah and Lyric and their family though and I know that there were several people who were going to donate through her bank account so I'm not sure what the final total was. I'd hoped for double that but Sarah was very grateful and appreciative of what was raised (of course, she's so awesome!). So, who knows what my fundraising future holds but I hope to plan/participate in other fundraising efforts in the future.

In other news, we're done having babies now. My husband went and got the big snip last week. We have a lot of friends and family who are either trying or will be in the near future and we figure, rather than have more of our own, we'll borrow theirs for our baby fixes! That being said, I feel old. My reproductive days are over. I am no longer in need of my uterus. Next comes menopause! Though if my aunt is right I have another 15 or so years before that happens but still...no longer needing my fertility has made me feel the age factor. It's "the end of an era"! I've been having babies for 14 years! So yeah, bittersweet but I feel we made the right decision (and there was a LOT of contemplating).

As for the kids, they're all good. James is super active in sports at school, first was soccer, now it's basketball and then the spring will bring volleyball, badminton, ect. He's graduating grade 8 this year as well. I can't believe it! He's grown up so fast (in more ways than one) and next year he'll be venturing into high school and foot ball and advanced classes (that he chose...I know he can do it as long as he does his homework which is an uphill battle with him). On top of that he bowls every weekend and has made it into a number of tournaments...he needs his ball fixed and once that happens he has the potential to be an EXCELLENT bowler...he's already great at it!

Jonah is doing well, though struggling with some of his french work. He's not reading yet (though we're working hard on that with him) and he needs "considerable help" to complete tasks...in french that is. Jer and I are...I don't want to say arguing because that's not the right word...differing?...about whether or not we should wait this year out and then send him to english school. He's a smart kid, picks things up quickly, but he's struggling with the french language. I know being bilingual (which he will still be, just not AS bilingual as if he were to complete grade school at a french school) is important but is it as important as excelling in an language that you do know?? So, we'll see what the summer brings and if he's still not reading I think he'll be changing schools, a prospect he's certainly on board with. Other than that and being sick for the majority of the winter, he's enjoying Beaver's now and of course he's still bowling every Saturday...he loves to participate and this Friday he'll be racing his "Beaver Buggie" at the mall, he's sooooo excited!

Marryn is starting to enter her terrible two stage already and is adorable as ever. Her newest word is "Dude!" which is so cute you just want to drop dead right there on the spot!!! We're thinking we're going to put her into daycare one day a week starting in the late spring. She doesn't get to be with kids other than her brother's much and I know she would really enjoy it. We'll put her into a french daycare to get her ready for kindergarten. She'll be 2 in June already...these two years have flown by! Probably more so because I know this is the last toddler for us. I'm going to try to start potty training in the summer too. Surprisingly enough she's still in her crib and hasn't yet tried to climb out (KNOCK ON WOOD!!). We have her toddler bed already set up and in her room though so when she does, she'll be familiar with it.

Jer and I are doing wonderful as well...we've been married for almost 4 months and it is bliss :) We're planning a trip to Salem, MA for our 1st anniversary weekend. I'm very excited! We had originally hoped to stop there on our way to Virginia for our honeymoon but it seemed far out of the way and we wouldn't have had time to really enjoy it so we decided to bypass it. This year though we'll leave early Friday morning and come home on the Monday (Halloween day) so that we're home to take the kids trick or treating. I think it will be a fantastic weekend :)

Well, that's about it for now...I'm sure there is more but I've been writing this for about an hour between getting Marryn a snack and changing the laundry and what not...I'll be back again soon!

Fundraiser

2011-01-26T12:09:00.000-05:00

Well the fundraiser is less than two weeks away. Lyric and Sarah just checked back into the hospital yesterday to start preparing for the bone marrow transplant. You can read about their journey here.

I've had a lot of people donating things and baking things...it's really great to see everyone come together and help out for people they don't even know. Some of them even I don't know!!!

So, I'm hoping to have a successful afternoon on Saturday February 5th. It's being held at Central United Church, 12 Young St., Welland from 1pm until 4pm.

Again, if you can't make it but want to donate, Sarah's information is in my post below.

If you can't make it AND can't donate, take a few minutes and send your thoughts or prayers or healing vibes or whatever you have to Lyric. He's in for a tough tough fight in the coming months.

Thanks!!!

It was a good Christmas!!

2011-01-03T08:48:00.001-05:00

Hello there! Happy New Year!!!

I hope everyone had a good Christmas! We certainly did. I love getting together with the family and eating and talking and laughing and loving. It was so warm and wonderful!!!!

Not much is new around here, just getting things in order for this fundraiser I'm trying to pull off. I hope it's a success because my friend could REALLY use the help!!

I have lots of baking to do in the next several weeks, I hope I can get it all done! I have some volunteers to help with the baking part as long as I can make the cookie dough so that should help me!

I've also recently become an epicure consultant to help supplement the little income I bring in and I have my first show on the 14th. I'm really looking forward to it! I used to be a PartyLite consultant and I really enjoyed it...I think this will be even more successful because of the type of product it is (spices, dips, mixes and kitchenware).

Anyway, I hope everyone had good holidays!

No financial aid (or, how the govt has their heads up their asses)

2010-12-08T10:09:00.002-05:00

A good friend of mine has a 9 year old son who is fighting for his life from AML leukemia. He was diagnosed in August of 09, went through intense treatment and was in remission for only 6 months before relapsing. He's now just finished his first round of chemo during this relapse and is currently waiting to build his immune system back up so that he can receive a bone marrow transplant donated from his little sister.

His mother has quit her job to care for him. They are back and forth from the hospital several times a week when they aren't admitted. A 45 minute drive each way. When they are in the hospital, she pays out of pocket for parking and food, ect.. He is currently in the hospital with an infection and has been there more than a week. You can imagine what kind of expense this must be for her. She has no income other than a small disability that she receives for him while he sick...and when I say small I mean less than $500 a month. From another source pertaining to her son being sick, she receives $15/day to help cover her cost of food while she's with him in the hospital. She does receive child support but with a mortgage and bills, I can't imagine trying to make ends meet with this.

There is NO financial aid for families in such situations. Ontario Works won't even help her. There is nothing anyone can do unless she sells her house and uses the profits from that to live and when it runs out THEN OW can step in and help.

It's like punishing her because her son is sick.

This is disgusting and we need to get the word out there that SOMETHING has to be done. Something needs to be put in place to help these families out financially! They have enough on their plates with a sick child let alone worrying about how they are going to pay this bill or get some food on the table for the rest of the family.

All things aside though, it is this reason that I am organizing a Bake Sale and Silent Auction for my friend and her family.

I have booked a church hall for February 5th, 2011 from 1pm until 4pm. There will be tons of baked goods for sale as well as coffee, tea and water. Lots of stuff for the silent auction such as a Men's Tungsten ring, some silver ladies jewelry, a DVD/VCR combo, hand painted items and many other items. We will also be having half and half draws. All proceeds will go directly to my friend and her family so if can come please do!

Bake Sale and Silent Auction in honour of Lyric Jarvis
Central United Church
12 Young Street
Welland, ON
1pm-4pm

If you can't attend but you still want to help out, please feel free to make monetary donation to:

Sarah Jarvis
Scotia Bank

Account # 0398780
Transit # 91710
Institution # 002

Any amount, however small or large, will be an amazing help to this family who has already been through so much. It is very much appreciated. We are all so grateful for any help from anyone in any form!!!!

If you can't donate or attend, please send all your prayers and positive thoughts or vibes to Lyric. He's had a tough fight this second time around and he could use all he can get!!!!

♥

Married Bliss!

2010-11-12T21:53:00.000-05:00

Well, tomorrow is 2 weeks married!

Our wedding was wonderful. Beautiful. Perfect. Everything went according to plan except one thing...the church lady couldn't get our CD to play the song we were supposed to have as the recessional but that was the ONLY thing that went wrong and the harpist played us out instead.

The weather was beautiful if a little cold and windy. Everyone had a great time, the food was awesome, the DJ was great, the speeches were heartfelt and emotional.

I could not have asked for a better day for us. Our memories of that day will always be warming.

Our honeymoon was great too. We hit a couple of snags including a passenger side window that wouldn't go up (it was just the wire came loose, we were able to fix it pretty easy) and then on our last day when we were driving home, Jer had a bit of a lead foot and we got a speeding ticket in Virginia but even that, it was only $124 and it couldn't ruin how great the rest of the week went!

Our first stop was in Winchester, Virginia and we only stopped for one night to sleep. We stayed at the Hampton Inn there and it was nice and pretty cheap for walking in with no reservation.

Then Tuesday was on to Williamsburg. It's so lovely and quaint and filled with awesome history there!! We did a ghost tour and went to a historic pub where they had a fiddler and games from the 1800's. It was a great experience.

Wednesday we were able to fix the window (it stopped moving on Tuesday on our way to Williamsburg) and we then ventured to the BIGGEST YANKEE CANDLE STORE EVER!!! I am not joking, it was like a mall but all Yankee Candle and accessories! It was awesome and we spent quite a bit!! Then we went for dinner at Wasabi, a local sushi, Mongolian BBQ and chinese buffet. Then in the evening we took part in the "Cry Witch" show in which they reenact one of the only Witch trials they had in Virginia. It was great as it was an audience participation show...we had a great time.

Thursday it rained. So we went and did some laundry and then we went out to lunch at IHOP which was AWESOME!!! Then we went a looked around town a bit but my feet were wet and it was cold so we went back to our room. There was a tub in our room so I had a bath and we watched some tv and then played some backgammon. We played a lot of backgammon through the week...one of our favourite things to do with each other! In the evening we had Retro's for dinner which was apparently famous for it's hot dogs lol. I had grilled cheese and fries and rootbeer on tap!! Jer had a pulled pork sandwich with fries and also rootbeer...then he finished it off with a sundae which was awesome and huge! In the evening we took in a harpsichord/organ concert in the old church. I can't even describe the ambience. It was great!

Friday it was time to leave Williamsburg but before we did we caught a concert. Dean Shostak's Crystal Concert. It was by far one of the coolest things I've ever seen. He played an Armonica, a Crystal Violin and Glass handbells. The music was beautiful and very soothing. Then we decided to go to IHOP for lunch again before making our way to Virginia Beach. It was just as aweome as the day before!

We got to VA Beach and the view from our room was just incredible. The waves of the Atlantic crashing on the shore, people still surfing and boogie boarding even in November. We went for dinner in the hotel restaurant and it was good. I wasn't very hungry so I just had some mozza sticks and wings and Jer had prime rib and a pound of shrimp...the prime rib was soooo tasty! Tastiest prime rib I've ever had anyway!

Saturday morning we got up and had some breakfast...our hotel had a complimentary buffet...it was pretty good but not as good as at our bed and breakfast in Williamsburg, that's for sure! Then we went and got a couple of things at the grocery store. We had a small fridge and microwave in our hotel room so we picked up some yogurt and snacks. Then we lazed the day away in our room, Jer napped and I watched Nights in Rodanthe and watched the waves. When Jer got up we started getting ready for our dinner reservations at a place called Rockafeller's at 7pm. Jer had 1 and a half pounds of steamed crab legs and I had filet mignon. It was great! Then we went back to our hotel room for the last night of our trip. We decided to come home a day early on the Sunday instead of the Monday...we missed the kids terribly!

Sunday we got up and just ate some of the yogurt we got the day before so we could get an early start, we figured we'd stop on the way home for something to eat.

The drive was long. 13 hours but worth every minute! Jonah cried when we got home...they were all so excited to see us!

Now life is blissfully back to normal and we're all starting to gear up for Christmas!

James turns 13 in a week. THIRTEEN! He's such a good kid despite the normal teen attitude! He gets braces in the new year. We were going to get them before Christmas but then we found out that as of January Jer's benefits will cover part of them so we're waiting till then.

Jonah keeps telling us he wants us to have another wedding because he had so much fun....but not a honeymoon because he missed us too much lol I'm hoping to plan a trip with the kids for this summer or next so we can all travel together.

Marryn is great too, getting bigger and better everyday! She's starting to talk now and it's soooo adorable!

So that's life!!! I'll end there, I've rambled long enough ;)
Lots of love!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-10T13:22:00.000-05:00

Sneek Peek

2010-11-01T08:28:00.000-04:00

I'm leaving on my honeymoon in just a couple hours and will be gone for a week but I wanted to post just a couple of my favourite pictures from the wedding!

I'll post more when I come back!!!!

What a blast!

2010-10-13T11:25:00.000-04:00

The Havelock trip was a blast and went off without a hitch!! I didn't take too many pictures because Jer's Aunt (who is also one of our photographers) took TONS! So when I get those I will post some but here are a couple from the weekend:

Now, it's crunch time! The wedding is just 17 days away now and everything is going swimmingly and it's all falling into place! I have absolutely no worries!! I still have a few things to get done but I know it will get done, and if I can't get it done I have a TON of people who have offered to help me out so I know I can delegate.

A few people asked me over the weekend if I was nervous. I am DEFINITELY not nervous. I'm anxious and excited yes but this feels so incredibly right and natural and I have absolutely no reservations about this marriage :)

In just 17 short days, I will be Mrs. Lessard!!!!

SQUEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Annual Havelock Trip this weekend!

2010-10-06T21:52:00.000-04:00

For the last three years now, I've been attending Jer's family thanksgiving in Havelock, ON. We go to a cottage resort and have a fire going for the whole 4 days, hang out, they drink and laugh and fish and just be one big happy family....I absolutely adore them and the whole tradition. We leave Friday to do this again and I'm so excited! I was a bit worried with it being so close to the wedding that A) we wouldn't be able to afford it and B) we would have too much to do. Well Jer's Aunt's and some cousins took care of A by giving us our cottage rental for my bridal shower. As for B, we're going to take some stuff with us and do it while we're there so that we don't get too far behind with only 3 weeks to go.

I'll post pictures when I get back!

Happy Turkey Day!!!

The morning after...

2010-09-26T09:46:00.000-04:00

Oh I'm getting OLD!!!

Of course last night was our joint bachelor/ette party and it was fantastic but OMG I'm tired and hurtin' today!!! I didn't go to bed until 3am! I never do that anymore! There was a time when I was on a routine of bed at 6am and sleep all day lol...now I am usually up at 6am!!

So today I feel like a train wreck and I have no idea how people drink all night and then get up in the morning, I would have to stay in bed for days if I did that!

We started at around 3pm yesterday, I had a Passion Party and it was a good time, low key, just a couple people but it was good. We laughed and talked about dirty things and it was fun! Then at 7 we went and had dinner at Boston Pizza which was also a blast...of course, being a bachelorette party, there were shots involved...but for me, seeing as I don't drink, my lovely sister in law-to-be's boyfriend got ME a shot of Coke!! He wanted me to be included in the shot drinking party but knows I don't drink so he arranged it. I was very happy!!!! This is why he's one of the groomsman!! Great guy!

We were originally supposed to go to an outdoor karaoke bar but it was too cold so instead we went to ANOTHER Boston Pizza where they have bowling and I bowled for the first time in my life! I did HORRIBLE but it was a lot of fun anyway lol...

Then we all came back here and had some penis cupcakes that my lovely sister in law-to be made for me and watched some Bob Ross.

It was such a great night and we're so lucky to have such great friends and family!!!

Thank you everyone!!

Today, Jer and the guys are off to play paintball and me and one of my Maids of Awesome are off to scope out picture locations for the wedding in the falls.

It's gonna be a great day! Breakfast at 11 with everyone from last night and some people who are going paintball as well....

Loving life!!!!

Bachelorette Party!

2010-09-25T10:38:00.000-04:00

I'm getting married in THIRTY FIVE DAYS!!!!

Tonight is our bachelor/ette parties...we collaborated a bit because we have mutual friends and we REALLY enjoy our time out together with our friends. I'm SOOO excited to be hanging out with a bunch of great friends and having some dinner and doing some kareoke later.

Neither of us are big drinkers so our party won't be what most of these things are, a big drunk-fest where you don't remember what you did in the morning.

I am, however, having a Passion Party with the girls before dinner so that should be a bit of traditional bachelorette fun :)

We still have a few things to get ready for the wedding but it is REALLY coming together and I'm impatiently awaiting the big day....WOOOHOOO!!!

Facts and Reasonings

2010-09-14T10:34:00.000-04:00

Just some things I need to get off my chest...the person involved will know it's for them...anyone who's "wondering" if it's about them, it's probably not.

This time in my life is an extremely happy time, no matter the amount of stress or the amount of shit people try to put on me. It doesn't matter what you say, or how you say it.

I'm not nervous or anxious about our wedding. We're secure and happy and loving and trusting and loyal to each other in our relationship. We don't say mean things to each other and when we argue, it's short lived and we apologize to each other if we happen to hurt one another or if we're wrong. We never go to bed angry and we always say I love you. We're affectionate with each other. We enjoy each other's company. We could talk for hours. Or we could be quiet for hours and it's not uncomfortable. I miss him when he's away for a couple hours and he tells me the same thing, yet we're both independent enough to go out without one another to hang out with other friends, and we trust each other to do so. He has lovingly accepted my children as his own, has already adopted one and is in the process of adopting the other. We have created a beautiful daughter together. We are kind to each other, we are considerate of each other and we respect each other.

This is the foundation for an amazing marriage.

It may not be traditional, but it will be beautiful nonetheless. I will wear white even though I'm clearly not virginal. We will stand before our friends and family, the ones who support us and our marriage, say our vows and commit to one another, for our whole lives.

Then, we will eat dinner and party on a beautiful day in October (as if there are no beautiful days in October, how could there not be with all that colour and coolness and crispness in the air! Even if it rains or snows it will still be lovely!). Our guests will dress up in Halloween costumes (or not lol) because we love the holiday so much we've added the theme to our wedding reception. They will eat and drink and dance and laugh and have a wonderful time.

But even if none of that happens, even if we have some unforeseen circumstances and our reception hall falls down the day before, we'll still get married, and then we'll order pizza and find a backyard and still, we will celebrate and have a fantastic time. Because it's not about the dress, cake, church, food, music, reception hall, limo, flowers, guests or anything else.......it's about Jeremy and I becoming ONE.

To you, the naysayer, the one who is oh-so-negative about this wonderful and deserved event in my life.

Poo on you. Poo poo poo.

I'm am NOT, nor have I EVER, made my children go without ANYTHING, ESPECIALLY food, so I could afford this wedding. There are things, such as braces, that will be postponed a couple of months (with no consequences might I add), so that we can have the wedding first. And, in our defense, we didn't know about the braces before we started planning and this does NOT mean he won't be getting them (much to his chagrin). Not that it's any of your business anyway. Last Saturday we went and signed our boys up for bowling for the second year. $45/child plus $16/week. Not a necessity but something they both enjoy and are good at...so we found the money to do it, even though the wedding is a huge expense. Last night, we took them to their swimming lessons...again, not free, but we figure it out...even with my "big traditional wedding". They're not deprived in any way.

The night of our stag and doe? You offered the pizza, this coming from my eldest's mouth. And when children say they're STARRRRVVVVIIIINNNNG!!!!!!, it does not mean you haven't fed them in a week and a half, it means that they're over dramatic because they're 6 and 12 and they haven't eaten....since their last meal 3 hours ago. And there was plenty of food in the cupboards, fridge and freezer. Yes, we were busy, we didn't cook a frigging pot roast, but there was food to eat, all they had to do was go and make it. Every other night of the week, every other night of the year, we sit down to dinner as a family and they leave the table full. Trust me, they're perfectly capable. So stop telling people I'm starving my children.

Our oldest son has a slight "health" problem. In your "humble" opinion, we should be getting a Dr. to "fix" it instead of paying for our wedding (not sure where you live but health care here is FREE). FYI, he has a pediatrician and a regular Dr., we've tried several different meds, sleep therapy and just regular "over the counter" stuff recommended. Nothing has worked and our Dr.'s advise that he will grow out of it. Again, not that it's any of your business but you seem to be under the impression that we're IGNORING the issue...I assure you we are not. But thank you for your opinion, duly noted.

The tattoo I covered? I covered it because it's a place in past I won't be a part of anymore. I'm not hiding anything, those who matter, know. Those who don't, don't need to, and if they ask, I'll be honest. I don't feel the need to hide it. I'm not ashamed. But I also respect my future husband who asked me, "Why don't you cover that before the wedding?". So I did just that. And my arm? I'm covering that too, but not because it's a rainbow, because it was done poorly. I have plans to have another rainbow on my back at some point...not covering, fixing. I want to be proud of the art I have on my body that will be in my wedding pictures, that is all.

As for me "being with him for the money, van and roof", whatever. That's so far from the truth. You think that I didn't help with any of the things we have? You think it was all him that paid for everything? Oh right, I forgot, I'm fat and lazy and selfish right? Have a mirror handy???? We're in an equal partnership...we both contribute to this relationship, whether it's paying for things or doing things for each other and helping out around the house cooking meals and doing laundry. Our whole family is involved in making our home run smoothly...it's not just financial. And again, not that it's any of your business, but FYI, yes he is the breadwinner, but that doesn't mean that I don't contribute at all. I'm not a "welfare case" and collecting while lying about it or something like that. I have a job, I go to work and I work my damned ass off for peanuts. But, it's a contribution. And then I come home and I take care of our three children. I care for them while he's at work. I don't just work "part time". Life is a full time job!

You, are not a real friend. I'm sure these opinions of yours are not new. You have always thought that I don't deserve the things I have. Why? Because I was weak at one point in my life? Because I was on welfare before? My past does NOT make me a bad person and undeserving. I have made some bad choices in my life, but I have also worked my ASS of to get where I am today. You don't just "find some guy to pay for everything". It doesn't work that way. I've had to work at it to get this far. I am only as selfish as normal human beings are...and we are all selfish in some way. Sure, I want things to go my way, who doesn't?! But I don't hurt people or lie or say mean things because someone is doing better for themselves. And I certainly don't do those things to get ahead in my own life.

I didn't forget about you or not have time for you....I'm choosing to walk away. I'm choosing to not have time for the drama. I'm choosing to not be friends with someone who constantly puts me down and calls me selfish. (I think you forgot about the time you burned your house down and I didn't even blink an eye before offering you a place to stay, not sure if that's selfish or not.) You talk about me behind my back to other people, mutual friends, and people who you have no business contacting and if you were a friend, would have never contacted in the first place knowing all the shit he's done and put me and his son through over the last 13 years. And you do this because you don't have the balls to confront me about things you're not happy with....

Oh I forgot, you don't have balls, you have a vagina right?

Disgusting G20 Summit Video

2010-06-28T13:55:00.003-04:00

Please view this video to see what was really happening in Toronto this past weekend. The media has a skewed version of it....they cover what they're told to cover...

New blog name and header

2010-06-28T10:49:00.000-04:00

So, I have a new blog name! I just felt like it was time for a change. While we are a family under construction, I just felt like that wasn't the best fit for this space anymore.

Autumn, for me, invokes feelings of happiness and peace. The cool, crisp air and the smell of the falling leaves and ripe apples on the trees, the ripe, round, brilliantly orange pumpkins all bring me great joy. I wish it was always fall!!!

And no matter what season it is, I'm feeling that joy in my life....it has become an Eternal Autumn for me!

Tada! :) Hope you like it! I LOVE it :D

Kitchen Sink post

2010-06-16T09:26:00.002-04:00

Hey all! I know I've been slacking but I have been SUPER busy these last few weeks. Things for the wedding have kicked it in to high gear and not a day goes by that I don't do a little something regarding the wedding even if it's just get another address on my guest list! Things are going very well and it looks like things will stay the way they were, no scaling back or changing anything AND we should be able to keep all of our family on our list! It was starting to look like I was going to have to start cutting family we hardly see but are close enough to that they need to be invited but now we should be fine to keep everyone where they're at now....our number is about 155, give or take and not including the 12 children that are cheaper than adults.

Either way, things are really shaping up and I have now started stamping the candy bags for our candy buffet, started assembling the favours and tags, my dress is being altered as we speak and my stag and doe, shower and bachelorette are being planned for with vigor. I have to give a big shout out to my Maids of Awesome Marnie and Marci for helping out SO FRIGGITY MUCH over the last couple of weeks and a huge thank you in advance for all the planning and helping that is about to come in the next 4.5 months!!! This is why you're my Maids of Awesome!!!! You guys RAWK!!!

Aside from the wedding there are a lot of other things going on too and I have something to do EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. until July 1st!!!

Tomorrow is my baby girl's first birthday...already!!! I cannot believe she is a year old already, it feels like it just flew by! We're having a small (*rolls eyes* if you call 20 people, all family, small) cake party for her tomorrow night. Everyone is busy and or working and or can't get together in the next MONTH all on the same day for a few hours for us to have a big party for her so we're going to do cake and presents on her actual birthday. BIG party next year for sure!!!

Work is going well, I've been getting quite a few hours at work since we're down to three girls now...which has been nice for the paycheque but I'm starting to get behind on things at home again...we are hiring someone in the next week or so so my hours should slow down so I can catch up around here soon. I didn't think I would stay at the job after Jer went back to work but it turns out I like it quite a bit and it's not a bad job, the people are nice and it's nice having that bit of extra money too! I'll probably stay for quite a while!

This week has been busy (since last Thursday essentially...we went and picked out my sister's bridesmaids dress on Thursday)...I worked Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, was off yesterday and got a bit of cleaning done and then went to my painting class to start finishing up the stag and doe prizes I'm painting...today I'm working again and then tomorrow I'm dropping Marryn off with my mom so I can shop and then come home and clean so everyone can come over tomorrow night.

Then Friday I'm going to get an IUD put in...this was a long thought out decision with help from the opinion of our Dr. We had thought we might get Jer snipped because we're really not sure if we want anymore children. Our Dr. suggested something long term but still not permanent, an IUD for me. We talked about it, weighed the pro's and con's and decided this is the route for us...if I don't like it I will just go and get it taken out and we'll move on to the next option. But for now, no more babies and definitely no unplanned miracles!

Marryn also has her one year shots on Friday. Then Saturday morning I'm going dress shopping with Maid of Awesome #1...I'm so excited!! I love going to the bridal store and (almost) drooling over all the beautiful yards of fabric skillfully sewed into dresses that I would wear to the grocery store if I wouldn't look like a nutjob! I LOVE bridal stores! Such beautifullness all crammed in to rows and rows of gorgeous gowns!

Then on Sat night a friend and one of our photographers is going to take some more engagement pics of us since I wasn't happy with the first ones. We'll probably grab some dinner with her as well, should be relatively relaxing which will be nice. Sunday we have an anniversary party to go to for Jer's step mom's parents and then it's also father's day...so we have to figure out something to do for that as well if there is time at all that day!

Monday I will probably be working again, Tuesday is painting again, Wednesday is probably work again and then Thursday we're meeting with the harpist (squee!!!) that Maid of Awesome #2 and all her and Jer's siblings got us as a wedding gift!!! She'll go over what stuff she can play and let us know if she can learn anything we like that she doesn't already know. She will play at the ceremony and for 2 hours over dinner at the reception...my whole life I dreamed of walking down the aisle to Canon in D being played on the harp and now I get my wish!!!! Hence why she is Maid of Awesome #2...she TOTALLY deserves it! :)

Then, Friday, Saturday, Sunday I'll be working again...then possibly Monday again...Tuesday is painting and also the kids last at school and also my second G road test. I'm PRAYING I don't fail again...:S Then, Wednesday possibly working again...Thursday brings us to July 1st! Jer is off that day and so are the rest of us so I want to go and partake in some Canada Day festivities somewhere.

Whew! Busy, busy busy, but HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!! Things are coming together and going well and I'm so content and happy I could spit!

Praise insert diety of your choice!!!!

2010-05-20T14:21:00.000-04:00

Jer got a call to go back to work today!!!! He starts next week on the new hospital in our area. I'm so RELIEVED! I was still freaking out about money and the wedding and while I am making some money that was going toward it, my little laundromat job was not enough to pay for the whole thing! So now, between the two of us we should be able to keep things as they were before instead of having to scale back like we were thinking...we have a meeting on tuesday with our head caterering guy to talk about what we can scale back on if need be but I'm thinking we'll be able to keep everything the same now!

Really, we are getting a freaking awesome deal! Dinner, alcohol, deocating, table and chair linens, DJ, midnight buffet and a cake if we want it (we're taking the $350 credit instead) all for $74/head. That totally includes the somewhat elaborate dinner I posted about in my last entry. We haven't added anything extra...I'm totally impressed! In the long run, breaking everything apart and paying seperately for each thing would be more expensive so I'm glad we found a place like this!

Anyway, 5 months and 1 week to go...I'm so dang excited I could spit!

A productive, tasty day!

2010-04-25T19:19:00.001-04:00

Today we attended the open house for our wedding venue/caterer. We got to view all the options and sample all the menu options so that we could make an educated decision....and we have decided!

For those close enough to us to make our bare bones guest list, they will be serenaded by our harpist while dining on the following:

A Basket of 5 Different Breads
Ceasar Salad
Penne Pasta with Tomato Sauce
Chicken with White Wine Mushroom Sauce
Baked Salmon
Potato Medley with purple, pink, white and sweet potatoes
Honey Glazed Baby Carrots
and
Broccoli with Mornay Sauce

For dessert, we will have Hot Apple Blossoms and Chocolate Raspberry Tartufo
Coffee and Tea will accompany dessert

Our guests will dine on chocolate brown table clothes with burnt orange napkins to match our wedding colours. The chair covers will also be chocolate with orange bows. In the centre of each table will be a 9 inch square clear glass vase with tiger lily's and a raffia bow. The head table will be covered in ivory table cloths with white lights across the front and at the ends will be wrought iron candelabras.

After dinner and speeches, our guests will party the rest of the night away with Dancemaster DJ and enjoy an open bar.

I'm soooo freakin excited that this is all decided!!! It makes it that much more REAL!!! It was a very productive day that I had been looking forward to since July.

6 months, 5 days and counting!!!

Comment changes and some random thoughts

2010-04-15T09:23:00.000-04:00

I've had to make some changes on my comments due to a bunch of spam I've been recieving. I'm still allowing anonymous comments, mostly because I don't care and partly because the last one was such a positive thing for me...so from now on, you'll have to confirm the comment with the letters so I don't get so much spam.

*******

I have an on going situation with some people that I don't really get along with (or, rather, they don't get along with me). It's been quiet for a while. I can't help but have that gut feeling that something is about to happen with them. Like because it's been so quiet, I can only expect that SOMETHING is going to come up. It's like these people are attracted to the drama of fighting and arguing and it's been a while so you know they're going to need a fix soon. So yeah, I don't have anything to write about with them at the moment but stay tuned, I think something is waiting in the wings.

********

Our little girl is going to be 10 months old on Saturday. TEN MONTHS! She's starting to cruise on a walker toy that we have for her (though she falls quite a bit so we can't leave her side when she's playing with it), she's started to wave, she's talking up a storm and even though it doesn't make any sense it's freakin adorable! I can't believe in two short months she's going to be a year old already! It sure did fly by.

I'm back and forth about having another one. Sometimes I can't imagine our family without another little one and then other times I think about how much pain I was in when I was pregnant with Marryn and wonder if I can do it again. Our initial thought was we'd try again right after the wedding but now I'm thinking we should either wait until she's about 3 and close to going to school or just get a puppy instead lol. I think we'll have to play it by ear after all the busy-ness of the wedding is done.

*********

Jonah is sick again. I swear, the kid is sick at LEAST once a month. A friend of mine mentioned that I should get him some homeopathic stuff to help boost his immune system so I'm going to look into that. I feel so bad for the poor guy! Everyone else is fine but he is sick all the time! My mom said I was the same way and he is also showing all the signs of allergies like me so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

James is good...the same. Other than being a typical 12.5 year old and the bit of attitude that goes along with the age he's doing well despite some stuff he has to go through. He's incredibly resilient and I'm so proud of him.

**********

The wedding stuff is all the same right now. Our stag and doe is 3 months from tomorrow! I have all the stuff booked for that, I just have to buy alcohol and arrange food. I'm looking forward to it. 3 months after that is the wedding! It's flying by and soon we'll be married!!!

Fine tuning

2010-04-12T09:54:00.000-04:00

I'm working on my wedding guest list and am in the process of fine tuning. I never realized what a diffucult task this is!

I've spoken before about our budget and how I'm trying to balance budget with not offending anyone and not inviting anyone I have to worry about on that day...I'm also trying to figure out who is "most important" to us and who we really want to be there.

How do you choose between family that you see rarely and friends you don't really talk to anymore even though they've been your friend for a long time, from friends that you see and talk to often and family that you see more often than just at family gatherings?

I've got our guest list narrowed down to 125 adults (which is what we have to pay for anyway) and 12 children/teens. There are about 60 guests on the "B List" that I would LOVE to have there but at this point in time they don't fit into our budget.

I think at this point we just have to suck it up and go with what we have. If people are offended, they will either have to get over it and realize that we're paying for this ourselves, or not get over it and they weren't really worth having there anyway!

What I've learned in this process is that there will ALWAYS be someone offended in some way. You can't please all of the people all of the time and you have to go with what you think is best. Bottom line, this is our day...the end result will be the same!

New found talent

2010-04-09T08:48:00.000-04:00

I'm taking a painting class and I LOVE it...I didn't think I even knew how to paint but turns out, I do! Here are some of the things I've painted since November with the last being one of the memory jars we'll be using at our wedding on the memorial table...I painted that one all by myself outside of painting class, I'm quite proud of it!!

Anonymous comment = Helpful Reminder

2010-04-08T14:24:00.001-04:00

After the post I wrote yesterday, someone...I don't know who for sure...decided that they would write a nasty comment about how self absorbed and fat and lazy I am...not to mention that my life is crap and I should go and stand in the lightning and quit whining and maybe my children would be better off that way.

This cowardly comment was a helpful reminder that my life is NOT crap. That I, like every person, have flaws and am human and therefore I'm not alwasy wearing rose coloured glasses. That, like most people, I do get stressed but that overall I'm pretty fackin happy with my life!

My children are happy and well cared for. My bills are paid. I have a job that I'm enjoying. I'm engaged to the most wonderful man I could have ever asked for. I'm honing a talent that I didn't even know I had and it's giving me immense joy. Sure, my house is a mess (which is WAY different from dirty!) but my kids and future husband are happy, fed and entertained!

We're getting married in October...which, for anyone who has planned a wedding, knows that it's a stressful time trying to fit everyone in so that no one is offended yet trying to weed out those, who although they may be offended, you have to worry about doing something horrible on your day. Trying to make sure that my guy's HUGE family can all be included and no one left out is a feat in itself because weddings ARE expensive. For this anonymous person to suggest spending my money on my kids and instead "going to the justice of the peace" or whatever is ridiculous and obviously doesn't know me or our families very well...which is ok, I wouldn't expect them to. We don't do that here in Canada. You have to have someone marry you...you can't just go to city hall or the court house. It doesn't work that way.

Not to mention, I WANT to have a wedding. I want to stand in front of all of our family and friends and declare just how much I love him and that I will love him and take care of him and our family for the rest of our lives. It is not something I am entering into lightly and to elope just doesn't seem like enough. I don't expect you to understand, and you don't have to...I'm entitled to feel however I feel.

If the money doesn't come together (which I'm sure it will, but until it's physically available, I'll worry), then of course, we will scale down (brilliant idea anonymous, I'm working on cutting the guest list already as it is!) and have the biggest back yard pot luck wedding there ever was. And I know all of our family and friends will be there to support us in that. Because that's what family and friends do...they support each other.

So, to whomever it is that doesn't think my "whining" here is justified...a big eff u! I'm glad you won't be back to read so I won't take up anymore of your time. I'm sure your house is perfectly spotless with your 4 children while you work 45 hours a week. I'm sure that life is peachy keen at the Bitchy McAnonymous household.

But here? We stress, we worry and we are a bit messy.
But we're HAPPY.

Anxiety and stress

2010-04-07T09:33:00.000-04:00

Easter weekend turned out to be CRAP. Both the boys ended up with some stomach flu...Jonah was throwing up on Friday and James was throwing up on Saturday.

I know I've mentioned it before but I have a vomitting phobia. It was so bad on Saturday that I had to resort to medication to calm myself down. It was horrible and I haven't had an attack like that in a long time (and hope it's a while before something like that happens again!!!). While I'm glad I got the medication to begin with, I wish I didn't have to take it at all.

I feel....I don't even know the words. Defective? Ridiculous? I don't know . But I hate it. It's something that is a natural bodily reaction to harmful bacteria in our bodies and I FREAK THE FUCK OUT. Like, involuntary shaking at my core. Hyperventilating. Feeling sick myself (which is something that has continued on and off since Friday and is one of the most horribly side effects of this "syndrome").

On top of all of that I'm feeling VERY stressed about the financial aspects of the wedding. It's very hard to see that the money will appear and go exactly where we need it to! In turn....stress. Which also causes more anxiety. Vicious cycle.

This has also started appearing in my house as MESS. I'm continually trying to get my mind off of my anxiety and therefore either coming on the computer or watching a movie or going for a drive. My house is a disaster area right now and I'm bound and determined to get SOMETHING done today....ANYTHING. Just so it doesn't look like this anymore.

Right now, however, there is a bit of a thunderstorm headed our way and it's so dark in here I may have to turn on a light...I think I'll wait for it to pass and then get to work...it will only be a short-lived storm.

So, that's the plan, enjoy the storm, wait for the baby to sleep, then clean and try to stop stressing and panicking so much....

Please wish me luck....I need it!

Spring has sprung!

2010-03-22T11:39:00.000-04:00

There are buds on the trees and everything is wet, muddy and new smelling. I saw some yellow weed type flowers on someone's lawn when I was driving the other day too. It's all very refreshing!!!

I'm very happy that the winter is finally over. It was a short one, for sure, but it was harsh on me emotionally and I'm feeling better now that there are warmer days and sunshine....well, not today, it's cold and rainy but that's to be expected at this time of year. :)

There isn't a whole lot to report at the moment...I'm getting a tattoo on Thursday to cover one I have on my neck that doesn't suit me anymore. I'm getting a fairy done (I collect them)...

Something like this.

Then in the near future I'm also getting my horribly done tattoo on my arm fixed/covered by the same girl. I'm very excited to have a beautiful tattoo to show off at my wedding!!!!

Next month is also the open house for our reception venue where we get to taste and see everything that is included in our package so we can make an informed decision about what we serve and how we decorate...we refer to this day as "Tasty Day" lol...Can't wait!!!!

Other than that, wedding planning is slow right now because we have as much as possible done right now. I'm still plugging away at the favours and still painting for our wedding party gifts and stag and doe prizes. Tuxes are picked out and we basically just have to wait for the money to be there to do anything else!

I hope you're all enjoying our spring weather! :)

Feeling a little better...

2010-03-09T11:17:00.000-05:00

The sun is SHINING!!! A LOT! I love it and how much better it makes me feel!!!

The job is going well, it's still a lot of work for little money but I'm getting the hang of things and I DON'T hate it yet lol...which is a good sign!!!!

The hours work well with everyone's schedule (even though I have to work every weekend) and I'm very glad about that.

Things, while tight right now, are starting to look up. Jer was at his union hall the other day and if he weren't taking his basic plumbing course right now he'd be back to work. He'll likely be back to work as soon as his done on April 23rd and I'm SO HAPPY about that. We're barely keeping afloat right now...our taxes will be done Friday and we'll be using that money to pay off a bunch of the credit card debt (only to wrack it up again with wedding expenses lol) and to get a new tire for the van (why does shit break only when you have no money?? lol).

Also, my future sister in law made one of my wedding dreams come true...she booked us a harpist for our ceremony and two hours at our reception...I'm SOOO excited!!! All my life I've wanted to walk down the aisle to a harp playing Canon in D and I was going to just use a recording of it...now I'll have it played live!!

I'm so glad that spring is around the corner! My best friend is moving in the apartment kitty corner from us on April 1st as well which I'm so so excited about!!

Anyway, that's all for now...

Soak up the sunshiny goodness!!!!

Smarch

2010-03-01T09:42:00.001-05:00

A few things to write on this, the first day of March....I'm so happy that spring is on it's way...I'm hoping it will pull me out of my funk. Because I'm certainly stuck knee deep in it. And it sucks.

First, please, send all your prayers and peace vibes to this little girl http://laylagrace.org/ . The poor little girl is in her last days at not even two years old. I'm praying her sleep comes soon so she can be at peace again. I send all my thoughts and prayers to her family...I can't even begin to imagine what they are going. And I'm so so thankful for the health that my family does have...things like this remind me how absolutely lucky we really are!

Second...work. It's going ok. I don't mind it too much, it's not a bad job but it is a lot of work for little pay (yet so is just about everything these days). I worked a lot last week but now I'm off until Friday. And I work every other Friday and every Saturday and Sunday for the foreseeable future...which blows. But, Jer's still laid off and we have a wedding to pay for so, I will plug away until I can be at home with my babies again.

Third, I had another abnormal pap. I'm freaking out just a little bit...and it sucks because my anxiety and depression have been at full force recently. I had one before I had my transfer for the giant baby as well, and then a colposcopy which came back normal and a normal pap followed that. Now, another abnormal. It could be nothing but now I'm having some mid-cycle spotting as well so my mind is going AHHH!! THE C WORD!!! (cancer). I am probably over reacting (surprise!) but I'm pretty anxious about it. I'm not supposed to have a repeat pap until August but I called the Dr. this morning to see about getting in sooner because of the spotting. He's not in today but will call me tomorrow (or so the nurse says). I'm trying not to stress but like I put it to Jer, "if something was 'abnormal' with your testicles and then you had bleeding when you weren't supposed to have bleeding, wouldn't you worry??"...he said good point. Everything could very well be a coincidence because I've been nursing Marryn less due to working and I am stressed and anxious about stuff which can make your reproductive organs do strange things...but still...all that coupled with the abnormal pap makes me worry and I won't stop until I know something more than "it's abnormal"...I need to know how, why, when, where, what. Anyway. Next.

A lot of my stress and anxiety and general funk is do to some really inconsiderate, rude and overall nasty people that I MUST deal with due to...well, I have a child with one of them. There has been a lot of nastiness in the last couple of months. And honestly, I really TRY to get along...there have only been a few times when I didn't try to get along because I'd had enough. In general I'm usually pretty co-operative more often than not. Anytime things are asked of me, unless there is a good reason for it, I always say no problem. Anytime there is a question for me, even if it's unpleasant, I try to answer without attitude or snarkiness because I just don't have the energy to get into it with someone who knows all the right buttons to push to make me yell at him. Thankfully most of the communications as of late are through email...which allows me to take a step back and reply as civilly as possible...or not respond at all if I can't do it without being civil in the least. The woman he's dating I have the most issues with...because he's away working right now, I've been mostly dealing with her. And I can't even ask a question without her freaking out and telling me I'm "changing my tune" or "demanding" things. I finally had enough after the last slew of emails and told her I would no longer communicate with her because it's never EVER pleasant or civil. There is always a PROBLEM to deal with and it's not worth it to me. I'm not obligated to speak to her and everytime I try to communicate, I end up pissed off. I don't need that. So I said, END. Done. Anyway...things aren't figured out anymore now than when this shit started so it will be an ongoing topic here I'm sure. But it's nice that I have here to come and vent about it (non-describingly so as not to 'out' anyone, those who know, know). I REALLY need to vent about it because otherwise it stews and makes me more angry as time goes on. There are just some things that I can't believe were said and it makes me incredibily angry and SOOO so sad for my child. /sigh/

Anywho, aside from feeling like I want to cry 12 out of 24 hours today...I'm trying to be positive and thankful for everything I have...that's something right?

Enough droning.

P.S. Check out Martin Sexton... GREAT music!!!

2010-02-17T15:42:00.001-05:00

The Simple Womans Day Book

FOR TODAY

Outside my window...is has started to snow and is grey and dreary.

I am thinking...about my child's health while he is at the emergency room for swelling around his eyes and eyelids.

I am thankful for...my wonderful family, they are everything to me.

From the kitchen...Jeremy made Dr. Pepper Cake yesterday...it's lovely, moist and fudgy....yummy!

I am wearing...workout clothes, as always...even though I don't particularily like working out!

I am creating...many things...lots of tole painting and also some things for our upcoming wedding.

I am going...with Jer to pick out tuxes on Friday afternoon...I'm very excited!!

I am reading...tutorials on painting.

I am hoping...that our Jonah will be well again soon!

I am hearing...Marryn starting to complain in her crib...she is resisting her nap.

Around the house...is a little untidy but otherwise quiet and comfortable.

One of my favorite things...is listening to my children laugh.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Friday I have a knee specialist appointment and then picking out tuxes in the afternoon, Saturday we're going for dinner and a comedy show and Sunday is quiet. Then I start work Monday.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

Short lived success and Family Day

2010-02-13T13:12:00.000-05:00

So, she wasn't so enthusiastic in the evening when I put my milk in said bottle. She wouldn't even try it. So I think we'll have to stick to watered down juice as a side with my homemade soup for her "mid-shift meal" when I'm working. She just will NOT take it. I know she'll be ok but I can't help but be a little bit sad that I can't give her what she wants, even just for that one meal when I'm not home. It's good for us in the long run but bittersweet for me.

Anyway, we're having Jer's dad, step mom and brother and sisters over for dinner on Monday for family day. I'm cooking a turkey that I got on sale at the butcher the last time I was there. I'm really looking forward to it! I'm also gonna make a lemon meringue pie with a graham cracker crust and some chocolate chip or peanut butter cookies for dessert.

Thinking a little down the road but I can't wait to be the one cooking for our families on holidays too. Right now, we all get together on Christmas eve at a hall because there are too many of us but eventually I think that will come to an end (hopefully later rather than sooner, I love the big family get togethers!). I'm hoping when we buy a house it will be big enough to fit everyone in for holidays.

When I was a little girl, my mom was always the one to cook dinners for holidays and special occassions like birthdays. Whether it was turkey or roast beef or pork, I always loved when the whole family came together. Even though I was the black sheep and made fun of by my "step brother and sister" and my cousins who always told me I was weird, I had aunts and uncles and my papa who always showed me that they loved me. I loved it when they came over! The smell of turkey at Christmas time is such a wonderful memory of that and look forward to my kids having the same kind of memories.

So, Happy Family Day!!!

Still waiting

2010-02-12T21:10:00.000-05:00

But not to find out about the job...I got the job! I find out when I have training on Tuesday or Wednesday.

Also, tonight we had success with this nipple which is awesome and makes me feel so much better about the whole situation!!

But, I'm still waiting...for spring and our Sunday drives to get local fruits and vegetables. I watched a cooking show today that showed fruit crumble and I can't wait to make it!!!

I absolutely love our Sundays in the spring, summer and fall! It's such quality time for us as a family...even James, though he doesn't come all the time, is excited to see what we got when we got home (he just hates the drives!!). I'm so looking forward to resuming the routine!! And then of course the warm sunshine and cool breeze and the smell of the snow melting. I love the feeling of cool and warm mixed that only comes with early spring...it's refreshing and makes me feel like I'm awakening!

What do you love about spring?

Waiting

2010-02-10T14:12:00.000-05:00

Tis a waiting game...such is life.

I had my second interview at the part time laundromat job yesterday and now I'm waiting to hear if I got it or not. Did I mention I hate waiting??? Yeah. Me? Not so patient!

And then of course, waiting for everything to be in order for the wedding. That is the worst kind of waiting because I'm not entirely sure when it will get done. I've done just about everything I can possibly do aside from finish assembling favours...which I could do to hold me over...if I had a minute to breathe and sit down and do them!!

Feels like there are not enough hours in the day these days...

I'll update when I know.

PMS ect.

2010-02-08T19:11:00.000-05:00

I hate when I'm bitchy. I particularly hate the fact that I'm bitchy with my family and my already pretty short fuse becomes nonexistent. I'm snippy, I'm bitchy, I'm depressed and almost nothing can make me happy for long. It sucks.

I am currently trying not to let this PMS take over my life (for as long as it's around anyway) because it's not fair. I should be able to control my emotions but PMS sure makes it damn hard to do that!!!!

In other news, I've started printing our invitations!!

The caption reads:

~As golden autumn imbues her radiant leaves

Tired summer rests as the seasons weave

As harvest begins, joyful hearts renew

There will be one, where once were two~

And then the rest of the information follows (though it's not pictured here)...

Deep breath

2010-02-04T18:46:00.000-05:00

In and out. Sigh.

Things will be ok with our nursing situation. I'm not taking the job at the call centre.

I am, however, going to continue looking for part time work so that I can continue nursing and I did receive a call today about another job that is part time so we'll see if that pans out! I'm not against the idea of working, I'm just against the idea of quitting nursing when my daughter is clearly not ready and not interested in anything but me! She even takes solids sparsely. She really enjoys apples, pears and peaches but isn't interested in anything but. The girl cannot live on fruit alone!

So, the plan is, part time for now while I'm her main food source. Then in April when she's able to have some cows milk and also eating some more solids (hopefully!!!) then I will look into the full time job with my best friend. I'm hoping it all works out my way!!!

Anyway, here is a preview of our stag and doe tix!!

The logisitcs

2010-02-02T18:43:00.000-05:00

Well I got a job. The one at the call centre. And about an hour and a half later, Jer got called to go to school for his apprenticeship from March 1st to April 23rd. Monday to Friday days.

My training would be 7:30am to 3pm, 5 days a week but I'm not sure what days. I'm supposed to start on the 18th.

We've been working on the bottle for Marryn too. It's not going well...we've tried formula, juice, a mix of my milk and formula....she won't have any of it. We're gonna keep trying...there is a nipple that is shaped like her nuni (pacifier) that we're gonna get and see if that helps.

I'm so damn down about this whole situation and it stinks! I was thinking about it on my way to my interview...and I know I've been all sappy and emotional about it and so I thought to myself, "I'm gonna suck it up, put on my big girl panties and go to work to help keep my family afloat while we're in this situation." I know Marryn will be ok, though it'll be hard. And then when Jer got called it was like a spiral right back to where I was yesterday when I was bawling while watching Jer try to get a screaming Marryn to take a bottle that she didn't want.

Anyway, we're gonna talk about it and work on it and see what we can come up with...in the mean time, we picked and ordered our stag and doe tickets!

Happy February

2010-02-01T09:26:00.000-05:00

Ahhh, the month before spring...the month of red and pink hearts and romance and chocolate....the month of groundhogs and shadows and now also Family Day (though I think just about everyday is family day, I don't need a day to tell me to appreciate them!).

I've always loved February. Even though it's usually the coldest month of the year, it's also the shortest month and it's so much closer to spring than January!!

I'm hoping to start off this month great and be offered a job soon! As much as I don't want to, if I have to, I want to just do it already. I HATE job searching...I always have! I got a call from one of the call centres in the area and I returned the call and left a message so I'm just waiting to hear back from them again. I think that's my best bet at the moment. Until something better comes along anyway.

We've finally got our Stag and Doe booked for July 16th! I've been doing a lot of planning around that right now and I'm in the process of designing tickets...I'll probably post a couple of pictures to get some feedback (not than anyone comments often, but I figure maybe I'll put a vote thingy up).

This month is kinda quiet, which is nice. A few appointments but other than that not much is going on. Of course, Valentine's day is coming up but with our current $$ situation, we probably won't do a whole lot, if anything. Which is ok, again, I don't need a day to tell me to love and appreciate my signifigant other...I love him and appreciate him everyday. I'll get him a card but that may be the extent of it!

James has a bowling tournament about an hour and a half away at the end of the month as well that we're all looking forward to...I'm so happy he enjoys it and it's good at it!

Then, MARCH!! Bring on the sunshine and dew and sprouts and buds! I can't wait to smell that earthy scent again. I'm grateful that our winter has been so lienient on us but I'm still so looking forward to spring!

Unboring weekend :)

2010-01-30T18:31:00.000-05:00

This is the first time in a long time that I've had something to do all weekend. Today I went to my friend's baby shower...I love baby showers :) Most people hate them but I love them, I always have. How could you not love going to celebrate someone's new arrival?? :)

Then tomorrow my best friend and I are going to mass to check out the church I'm getting married in. I've been there before but I never thought to count the pews lol...I have to make pew cones and figure out how many pumpkins we need as well so we're gonna make the trip out there. Marnie has never seen it either so it'll be nice to get her thoughts on how we should decorate.

Then tomorrow night we're all getting together with a few more friends to play our Wii. I love having people over to hang out where it's relaxed like that :) So much fun!

I also got another call about a job today, this one for a call centre. I've done that plenty of times so it doesn't make me nervous or anything....I just know that it's full time and we'll have to see about the nursing thing. I'll update when I know more.

Job interviews and sadness

2010-01-29T13:34:00.001-05:00

I had two yesterday. They were both informal, one being at a Tim Horton's and the other being after a hypnotist show at a comedy club.

One is part time, one is full time. My good friend Boho Mom babysat for the one at night at the comedy club which is the full time one. Upon returning home she asked, "How the hell are you going to manage this??". Although Marryn was good, she knows when I'm not home and she misses my breasts. Boho mom and her daughter along with my sons fed Marryn some applesauce when she was hungry and although she gobbled it up, it's not the same as mom's milk.

I have this knot in the pit of my stomach that is letting me know that this is NOT going to work. I have to figure something else out...I'm still applying for jobs but hoping that something comes along that will work out in a way that will allow me to continue nursing her the way she wants.

She will NOT take formula...we've tried that. It doesn't taste anywhere close to the same as my milk and she knows the difference. We tried that early on in hopes that we could get out for more than two hours at a time. But even at a month old, she knew the difference and was not interested. I do have a pump but it is an occasional use pump...I could probably make due with that for a short time but even then...there is no "extra" milk. I would have to pump a LOT to get a single serving (as I have done in the past). I'm going to start soon in hopes that I can have a bottle or two in the event that I do get a job.

And then even if that does happen and I have the bottle or two, I will have to pump at work in order to keep my milk supply up and keep the extra bottle for Dad or whoever is taking care of her while I'm at work.

It all feels so very complicated. It all feels so very wrong.

I've been searching for years for an at home data entry job...I can type like 800 words per minute. I would be GOOD at that job...and then still be able to do my main job, my full time job, my most rewarding job here at home.

I hate feeling torn between money and taking care of my family (especially since having money is part of taking care of my family). I hate feeling like I'm not contributing if I'm not working (since I most certainly am paying half of the bills with other income). Most of all I hate this depression that has come over me since accepting that I need to find work, even temporarily, to keep our family afloat.

This is a kitchen sink post

2010-01-27T09:08:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling sort of down these last few days. I've recently had to come to terms with the fact that I need to work at the moment. I really enjoy my job as a stay at home mom and I'm feeling really down about going to work and quitting breastfeeding early (unless I find a job that will work around Marryn's schedule which I'm not expecting). I can still pump and still nurse her when I am home but it won't be the same. I know, as long as she's getting what she needs it doesn't matter right? Well, it does to me. My favourite time is when I'm nursing her...it's such an amazing feeling to know that she needs me for such an important job! But, my family also needs me to go to work while Jer is off and while it's not what I want to do, it's what I need to do and so I will do it.

Some people have said to me that it must be nice to have the "luxury" of staying home and doing nothing all day. I can assure them that I DO NOT do nothing. I will miss my duties here at home and it will probably drive me a little crazy that I'm not doing things "my way" lol...some people don't get that though.

I have an interview tomorrow night at a comedy club as a box office sales agent. It's full time days with some nights. Should be interesting and I'll update.

I miss the routine of Jer at work too. It was up to me to get up and get the kids ready and off to school and from there I would come home and tidy and sometimes start dinner if it was something that needed to be slow cooked like roast or spaghetti sauce. Now, I've been staying up later and sleeping in longer because Jer will get up with the kids part of the time. I'll look forward to going back to that routine even though I'll miss having Jer around all the time. It's fun that we get to hang out everyday! Lots of quality time :)

It's also been good with wedding planning. I've been able to ask his advice and preference on stuff while I'm looking at it instead of having to send a message or email about it. We've recently decided on a limo and flowers which we weren't sure we were going to do before. I'm really looking forward to how the next 9 months are going to play out! It will be nice to see all our hard work come together in the most fun way! Hopefully ours is a reception that people will always remember!!! How could you not in costume?!

I have more to write but I think it should have a post dedicated to it. So I will end here and write more later/tomorrow. I also feel the urge to write another chapter so that may be coming soon as well.

Later!

9 months and counting

2010-01-24T09:42:00.000-05:00

Well, there is a little over 9 months until the wedding now. When I think about it, it still seems so far away but when I really look at it, it's only a pregnancy away! lol...leave it to me to look at it that way!

We've got a lot done so far:

Invitations, my dress, Marryn's dress, my shoes, my hair stylist, a florist, the reception hall, the church, the limo, the favours, the mens tux store (haven't picked styles yet though)...our DJ and decorators are all contracted through our reception hall so they're booked too and now our Stag and Doe is booked as well.

I'm really looking forward to it all coming together. I've been waiting for this my whole life...to find THE one. The one who looks at me the way he does and says the things I dreamed my future husband would say. It's going to be such a beautiful, wonderful day, I can't hardly wait!!!

Engagement session

2010-01-19T09:57:00.002-05:00

Which I'm not entirely happy with but here are some pics...

Oh Anonymous...are you really that blind?

2010-01-17T20:26:00.002-05:00

I received this comment on a previous post:

Anonymous said...
Wow... it sounds like you blame others a lot for your choices and fit yourself into a victim role just nicely. Do you ever take responsibility?

January 1, 2010 10:53 AM

*shakes head*

Funny that you have to hide behind anonymous but whatever...I get it. But really, if you had read the post prior to this one in which I state: "He has done things, I have done things and our son has been put in the middle on numerous occasions. I have made BIG mistakes and plenty of them."

I know I fucked up and I'm not ashamed to admit it. But I also know I've worked really hard to fix the wrongs that I've done. I fought when I didn't think I had any fight left. And I know there are SOME people out there who don't think I deserve what I have because of the way things played out and the decisions I made when I was younger. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

I know this though. Shitty things have happened to me. I know that those shitty things helped lead me down the path to get me to where I am...because without all of this shitty things that happened and shitty things I've done, I wouldn't be where I am and I wouldn't have what I have.

I have a beautiful, loving family that I'm so damned proud of I could just scream it from the rooftops!

I've worked really hard to get where I am and I'll be damned if someone is going to make me feel guilty for accepting all of the gifts I have recieved.

I may have played the victim in the past, but I found when I stopped and owned up to all the shit I needed to take responsibility for? That's when things turned around for me.

Shitty things still happen and I still have to deal with douchebags but I can handle it. I'm stong and I have wonderful support behind me. And all the people who did/do the shitty things don't matter anymore!

I'm a happy, HAPPY girl now...I love my life. I love my family. I love my friends. And I love that I've worked so hard to get past everything so that I CAN love all of that. I love that I'm strong enough to overcome whatever has been thrown at me and continue to get back up and keep living my life and taking care of my family!!!

Peace to you and yours anonymous and thanks for the comment. Helps me reaffirm!

3500 candidates for 50 jobs

2010-01-13T14:17:00.002-05:00

Our little city is not doing well. There have been major job losses over the last 2 years with the closure of several plants, the biggest being John Deere in which my future mother-in-law, father-in-law and step brother all lost their jobs along with umpteen hundred other people. There aren't many jobs in this city...not even part time ones that can make up for what unemployment insurance doesn't cover.

I consider us lucky even though Jer's laid off right now. It'll be three weeks tomorrow. But it could be worse, he could have lost his job all together and have no opportunities at all. Luckily, he's in a union and it's only a matter of time before there is another job for him AND we don't lose our benefits during his out of work time.

Yesterday the local Rona, which is slated to open in three months, held a job fair. There were people lined up outside the hotel they held it at for ours to try and get one of the 50 jobs they're offering. 3500 people to be exact. You know it's tough when 3500 people show up for 50 minimum wage jobs because there are no other options.

I feel incredibly sad about it. It's definitely a reality check.

I've been looking on and off for something part time to make a bit while Jer's off work...it's very discouraging to hear about the job fair yesterday. I'm thinking now that finding something is going to be harder than I thought. I check the job bank almost everyday. Nothing has been posted for our city since last Friday. Everything that is available is out of town and even then it's not much.

I really hope things pick up for everyone soon...this is horrible.

6 Months Old

2009-12-17T08:38:00.004-05:00

Miss Marryn is 6 months old today....I can't believe how quickly the first half of her first year has gone! I love this stage though and she's so adorable. Saying dada already and eating some solids...here are a bunch of my fave pics of her :D

2 Weeks left

2009-12-16T11:14:00.004-05:00

Well, there are only two weeks left of 2009. This year has been a good and bad year.

I have my oldest son full time now, meaning no more trips to dads on the weekend where we miss out on including him in family outings and get togethers.

We had our beautiful daughter 6 months ago tomorrow.

We got officially engaged 4 days ago!! YAY!

We lost a couple people this year...that was the bad part. They are loved and missed very much.

My wishes for 2010 are this:

~Happiness and health for all those I know and love.

~Financial stability (which has been pretty good in the last 6 months so I hope it continues!)

~A beautiful wedding that goes off without a hitch...only 10.5 months away!

2009 was a very memorable year for me. I turned 30 and almost all my dreams came true!! 2010 will be just as memorable because the last of my BIG dreams...my wedding...will be coming true. I'm very much looking forward to this year.

What do you wish for this year?

Much love! xo

Chapter Two - The Chase

2009-12-04T14:10:00.003-05:00

When I met him, I didn't have any expectations that it would go anywhere. I was only 16 and he was 21 with a 1 year old daughter. Right away my gut told me he was too old for me, I tended to date younger guys. The group that hung out there was fun though so I continued to go back a few times to hang out and get high. Because that's what we did when we were 16 with no rules...we smoked pot. It wasn't until a few months later that I realized I hated the high and stopped smoking it all together. I already didn't drink because I didn't like the feeling it left me with, not to mention my vomitting phobia.

One night, I decided not to go there for whatever reason and he called me and convinced me to come anyway, he would make me dinner. No one had ever made me dinner except my mom so I agreed and he came and picked me up on his bike. Our dinner consisted of Lipton's chicken noodle soup and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches eaten at the coffee table on the floor. I hated the way he ate. He chewed with his mouth open and belched while we were eating. It drove me nuts and was enough for me to make the decision that I would not be dating him. We hung out a bit longer and then I made an excuse about forgetting medication that I'd left at "home" where I was staying and left. I hadn't planned on returning.

Over the course of the week following he called everyday and tried to hang out. Being as young as I was and not always the "popular" one, I enjoyed the attention and finally agreed to go over there again. I met his daughter and fell in love with her, she was adorable and liked me well enough it seemed. He said he liked how I cared for her and said he'd like to have another someday. It was the bait and hook he'd needed to reel me right in. I'd wanted a baby for as long as I could remember. Yes, even at that age. I knew people would be mad. I didn't care. I had lived my life full of trying to make people like/love me the way I'd needed to be loved. I only wanted to be accepted and I knew at a very young age that my child would love me for who I was and I wouldn't need to "try" with them. There would be instant and uninhibited love. I so wanted that. I so needed that.

Chapter One - The Introduction

2009-12-03T10:17:00.008-05:00

A lot of pretty crappy things have happened between my ex and I and our son in the 13years I have known him. He has done things, I have done things and our son has been put in the middle on numerous occasions. I have made BIG mistakes and plenty of them. In my defense, I was only 17 when I had him and knew nothing of being a parent and to top it off I had every adult I knew tell me I couldn't do it and bring parenting at a young age into a negative light so often that I almost gave up.

There were people who would do whatever they could to help me fail and people who helped if they thought it would benefit them. Either way, when I grew up some and realized just how much I loved my son and remembered why I'd had him in the first place, it was no question that I needed to fight as hard as I could to get him back. It was a long hard road that saw me kicked many times while I was already down so far I didn't think I could get any lower.

It all started when I was 16 years old. I had a pretty crappy life living at home. My step father was not very nice to me and treated me like the middle step child I was and my mother worked a lot and had her own issues and either didn't see or chose not to see. Either way, just about everything was all my fault. I had more chores than a teenager should have because I did my little brothers share as well. When my older step brother lived with us I was called names and treated poorly every day...I have proof of this on a home movie from 1990. But, I digress, the point I was getting at was that I left home at 16, all of that was a part of the reason why.

I lived with friends on and off, here and there and eventually moved to Welland. I acted like a typical 16 year old with no rules...I walked to the store at 4am in my sock feet just because I could. I went to Tim Horton's at all hours of the night because no one was telling me I needed to be in at a certain time...I had never had that before. Having to be home at 9pm when all of your friends are allowed out til 11pm is a BIG drag and makes you feel like a HUGE loser when you're 16 years old.

Anyway, during one of my late night visits to Timmy's, I saw a girl I hadn't seen in years. We went to grade school together and she left after Grade 5. After talking for a few minutes she said, "OMG YOU'LL BE PERFECT FOR MY UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOUR!!!" and we made plans to get together the next night.

On being treated like garbage

2009-11-25T12:25:00.003-05:00

Someone owes me some money. I was supposed to get some of it on the 13th and didn't find out until the evening of the 13th that I wouldn't be getting any until the 30th. The other person involved normally emails me to let me know what is going on. She didn't and didn't respond to the two emails I sent. So I texted said person that owes me money. In turn, I received a harsh text message that basically said, "You'll get what you get when you get it" because he "didn't have much time to write". I argued that a "I'm not sure I'll let you know asap" would have taken the same amount of time as the text I did receive but, whatever. I then received an email from the female party basically asking "how dare I" contact the male party as he is busy with his new job and has been away training and doesn't know what's going on with the situation and that he had already let me know that I was getting $X amount of money on or about December 1st. In the same email I was also told that I was basically asking for too much and that I was receiving 1 payment a month which is all that is required and so I should, in not so many words, shut up and take what I'm getting, I'll get the rest when it's convienient. Then, even though it is the male party who owes this money, I was told by the female party not to bother the male party about it again. I again had to argue, if you knew money was coming to you, would you not want to know how much and when? Is this an unreasonable request? I think not.

To say the least, this really PISSED ME THE FUCK OFF.

When I sent the text message, all I was asking was when and how much. I did NOT demand anything. I did not threaten anyone. And I sure as shit wasn't rude about it. However, I get nothing but ignorance back. From people that asked me to do them a favour by not having authority involved in the money payment. I agreed. I usually do, because typically? I'm not an unreasonable, unagreeable person. These people do nothing but cause me grief.

If it's not one thing, it's another...and I really would like to post the extent of it but I won't due to privacy issues...but really...this is just the tip of the iceberg and I could go on and on...I could probably write a book detailing the crap that has gone on. What I really want to do is say screw it and take it to a higher level and force payments. Then I don't have to deal with thier inability to communicate civilly at all.

GRR.

Anyway...

Early Birthday Surprise, complete with Nikki Payne!

2009-11-13T15:45:00.002-05:00

So, because I have the best future husband in the WORLD, I was pleasantly surprised yesterday by a birthday dinner that I had no idea about!! It was so wonderful to have everyone there for my birthday, even being a month early, because usually no one can make it so close to Christmas!

We had dinner and then watched a comedy show including Nikki Payne who we met in the lobby (!), as well as Johnny Gardhouse, Paul Haywood, Dave Hudson, Terry McGurrin, Marc Sinodinos, Winston Spear, Mark Walker, Pete Zedlacher, and Mark Matthews (it was a benefit show called Komedy for Kidneys, all Canadian performers)!!! It was AWESOME and totally unforgettable and if it was at all possible to love him more, I do!!!

In response to an anonymous comment

2009-11-04T08:59:00.002-05:00

I received a comment in response to my last post about how ridiculous this whole swine flu thing is and I wanted to respond here because otherwise I wasn't sure if it would be read and the commenter had implied that I was uneducated about the shot and I wanted to defend myself about that because that is certainly not the case.

I had a debate with someone else about this yesterday as well and I'm really starting to wonder if the majority of the public is just that naive that they think that our health care system and government are really that trustworthy that they won't do something to line their pockets even more...

This shot is NOT well researched. It is new. It has not been widely tested and I do NOT trust it.

There is a ton of media hype...but not only that, there is gov't, health care and doctor hype too.

This vaccine may be made like all the other ones however there are signifigant risks associated with injecting yourself with not only Thiomersal but also with Squalene which has not been found to be completely safe.

It's not the use of the virus that I worry about...it's all the other shit that they put in it. And if you read about Thiomersal and the toxicology, it states that it is incredibly dangerous upon inhalation, ingestion and contact with the skin yet we are injecting this into us??? Yeah, that sounds ok to me *rolls eyes*.

The commenter said:

"In reality, the risk of a really nasty flu far outweighs the risk of the vaccine. Even if you don't care if you get the flu, I do. I care that you could easily spread it to others who may not tolerate it (infants, elderly, people with compromised immune systems, ets)."

Yes, this is a REALLY nasty flu. However, I know of several people who have contracted it (been tested and diagnosed) who, while have been very sick, have recovered just fine.

People die from this flu. That is a truth. But people die from the regular flu. People can die from the common cold if they get sick enough for it to develop into something else like pneumonia. The truth is, we can't be sure what is going to kill us...including a flu or a vaccine. A few statistics and bits of info I think are important to take into consideration if you are contemplating this shot:

*The World Health Organization (WHO) has classified the 2009 spread of a novel H1N1 avian/swine/human influenza virus as a ‘pandemic’. But numerous doctors have remarked that it has been no more deadly or disabling than seasonal influenza virus that circulates yearly.

* Human trials only just began in mid-August. It’s unethical to recommend a vaccine which hasn’t even received the usual minimal safety testing let alone long term testing.

*A recent WHO Press Conference confirmed that there is no safety data regarding the use of squalene adjuvanted vaccines for pregnant women, asthmatics and children between the ages of 6 months to 3 years. Yet both pregnant women and young children are targeted groups on the priority list for injection, along with health care providers.

*The vaccination program for the 1976 swine flu "pandemic" was discontinued after 3 weeks due to the unexpected outcome. Over 500 cases of Guillain-Barre Syndrome, a paralyzing neurological condition, were reported as a result of vaccination, responsible for 25 deaths. Contrarily, the virus itself was responsible for 1 death and 13 hospitalizations (these are US stats). Experts assure the population that this scenario will not be repeated, because they have tweaked the vaccine into its updated version. However, without adequate preliminary testing, the possibility of unknown side effects must be taken into consideration.

*This is the first year mock vaccines have been used to gain FDA approval. The vaccines that have been tested are not the same vaccines your children will be given.

* 18 reasons why you SHOULDN'T get the vaccine

* Deaths associated with H1N1

*According to the World Health Organization: "Every winter, tens of millions of people get the flu. Most are only ill and out of work for a week, yet the elderly are at a higher risk of death from the illness. We know the worldwide death toll exceeds a few hundred thousand people a year, but even in developed countries the numbers are uncertain, because medical authorities don't usually verify who actually died of influenza and who died of a flu-like illness."

* AS03-Adjuvanted H1N1 Pandemic Influenza Vaccine product information leaflet

RESEARCH BEFORE YOU DECIDE

When I post here like I did yesterday, I am posting MY. OPINION.

I am not a doctor...I am not a scientist and I never claimed to be an expert. However I do know that I feel the risk of the vaccine far outweighs the risk of the flu itself FOR ME AND MY FAMILY.

If you want to get the vaccine, all the power to you, good luck, I hope it works out for you.

If I end up sick, I promise to stay home and wash my hands obsessively as not to spread it further...but I do that with any sickness and therefore this is no different.

I am not relying on those vaccinated to "protect me" at all. I'm relying on those who are sick to stay the fuck home until their better as not to spread it to anyone else!!!

And don't forget, just because you have the vaccine, does not mean you're immune!! You can still contract H1N1 so there are no guarantees. Again, another reason to NOT get it in my opinion.

Ahhhh it's the swine flu!!!!

2009-11-03T09:30:00.002-05:00

!!

Seriously...I'm not nearly as panicked as the gov't and media WANT me to be.

Yes, it is a flu. Yes, it can be very serious. Yes, there have been deaths.

No, I'm not in a "priority group" for the vax and NO WE WON'T BE GETTING IT!!!!

I don't feel that this has been researched NEARLY enough. I read the leaflet that comes in the box with the vaccine and there is conflicting information on it. That doesn't make me trust ANYONE involved with it. I've been hearing all about the mercury in it and this other stuff that is not good for you as well as all the side effects that could happen including paralysis....YEAH, SIGN ME UP! *rolls eyes*

I don't know why so many people put their faith in this shit. The mass media hype...the way they are PUSHING this on everyone...the fact that 17 people have died from it and yet 3-4 thousand people die from the regular flu every year?

It SCREAMS at me that something is not right about it.

I ask everyone who is even THINKING about getting this shot to PLEASE research it. I really believe that it is dangerous and that the other shoe is about to drop about what could happen to you if you DO get it.

Over and out.

Random with pictures

2009-10-21T11:33:00.010-04:00

Ok, I know it's been a month...sorry! Sometimes I forget that people do still read even if they don't comment and really I should be writing more because it's such a great outlet for me. Anyway...I'll try not to forget anymore and I may even try to do that November Blog everyday thing this year...we'll see :)

So, where to start?

I am still in wedding mode BIG time...I now have my bouquet prototype, 24 favours done (probably more, I just started today and I'm not finished working on them, just taking a break)
, my shoes, my dress (half paid for)(no pictures for this either, saving it for the wedding day :)), our reception hall, Marryn's dress (minus the flower, it's detatchable), my bridesmaids gifts (though they will be decorated some how and that part isn't done yet), a church and the invitations (which was what started all of this to begin with hehe). I'm definitely on a roll and as of today there are 12 months and 9 days til our wedding!

Jer is working CRAZY hours right now...7 days a week, 12.5 hours a day for the next couple of weeks. Great for the money, not so much for the time spent with the family but knowing this isn't forever and it's helping us in the long run makes it easier. It will be a nice Christmas he says :)

James is well...on the Volleyball team at school, I'm so proud of him for doing stuff like that! He is still dealing with dad stuff but I try to make it as easy as I can for him. He's not going to his dad's bootcamp graduation in a couple of weeks and know it's making him sad. He really wanted to go but apparently dad didn't get the paperwork in when he was supposed to or something like that and then they also won't have time to drive him home because they're moving a couple of hours away the same weekend...it's a big mess and honestly I'm kind of glad he's not going because the last time he was with them, the woman dad is with sent James home because he was "misbehaving and didn't deserve to be there"...BS but what can you do...I don't want him to have to deal with something like that again.

Jonah is also well...that said, there isn't too much to report on him...he's spledidly uneventful :) He still says the cutest things like, after being given a new ball by a saleslady at the fashion for fats store, "I love balls!!!" to which I cannot help but laugh...even though it's inappropriate to laugh lol...and to which he asked me why I was laughing, and I said nothing, and he said "Are you laughing at Marryn?" and said yes...because what would you have said?? lol

Marryn is also blissfully well :D She's growing so fast...4 months already and so adorable you could eat her little fingers as an appetizer for the rest of her hehe. I think she's getting a tooth though so once in a while she's a bit bitchy...to be expected though ;)

Other than that, not much is happening...I'm baking bread
like crazy (it's SO good and of course we've all gained 5lbs since I bought the bread machine lol) and baking other stuff more frequently now that my mom has lent me her kitchen aid mixer.

I'm toying with the idea of taking a baking course at the college in the relatively distant future...definitely wouldn't be for a couple of years but I think it's something I'd really enjoy doing.

So I hope everyone is as well as we are...because we are pretty great :D

Much love :)

Horseshoe

2009-09-22T14:22:00.002-04:00

So it seems I've a bit of a horseshoe in my behind the last couple of...well, weeks really...about 3-4 weeks ago I was at a candle party and they were doing a draw to win $100 in free product and I won it....then we attended a bridal show on Sunday and won something from one of the travel agencies that were there (we are picking it up tonight, I'm not sure what it is)...Then yesterday I totally found $10 on the ground when I was walking to get Jonah from the bus! I had my own candle party last night and we did that same draw that I won last time and I used my $10 that I found to buy my chances and I WON AGAIN!! I also won several other small prizes throughout the evening and then won the friggin door prize too!! But instead of taking the door prize, because it was my party, I made them draw again and they picked Jer's sister so she got to take the prize home. I think a lottery ticket or trip to the casino or bingo is in order!!

I remember where I was

2009-09-11T08:10:00.002-04:00

I had just picked up James from kindergarten and we went to my mother's house for lunch...she was already watching when I got there. I had went back to bed when I got home from dropping James off from school so I didn't find out until around lunch. I was glued to the tv for 3 days. It was so amazing to me that something like this could even happen...that many lives lost and over what?

Today I will sit in quiet reflection for those who's lives were selfishly taken...I won't get into how I think the US gov't had something to do with it...I will just remember that each one of those people who were innocently killed have family grieving somewhere today. I'm sure it's like opening the wound all over again...especially because there is always some sort of memorial thing on tv.

What were you doing when you found out? Did you cry like I did? Did you pour yourself over the internet and tv months later trying to make sense of it all like I did? Did you watch the youtube videos that claim there is a devil in the one fire and this or that in something/somewhere else? Did you listen to the 911 tapes from those who had cell phones on the planes?

Did it make you hug your loved ones closer and thank the universe that they are still here?

Remembering those innocent lives lost on September 11, 2001...may you all rest in peace.

Lyric's Fight

2009-08-28T11:09:00.003-04:00

I mentioned in my last post about my friends little guy who is fighting AML Leukemia...you can view her blog here: Lyric's Fight

She'll be posting updates about his progress there and now that she has a blog I won't be putting up a donate button, I'm going to ask her if she'd consider doing it...then any donations are going directly to her.

Please wander on over there and leave a supportive comment because she could really use it right now.

More bad news

2009-08-21T13:58:00.003-04:00

This past week a VERY good friend of mine had her son (who is like 9) diagnosed with AML leukemia. It happened soooo fast! He literally didn't feel good and had a sore neck for a week, had tests at the children's hospital on Monday and was diagnosed and by Wednesday he'd already had his first round of chemo.

I'm SO, SO sad for her and her family. She's had sooo much on her plate in the last few months and she's such a good person who tries to live healthy and only feed her children healthy food...she does not deserve this.

There will be several fundraisers for them in the near future...anyone reading that lives near me and you want details, I'll be posting them as I get them and I would appreciate ANY support you can give to this family. I've thought about possibly putting up a donate button on here but not sure if I will yet...what do you think?

In other better news, everything is good with my own family (Thank God for that!!!). Marryn is 9 weeks old now and she's getting SOOO big!!! Jonah just turned 5 and goes back to school on the 2nd (and I can't wait!) and James starts grade 7 on the 8th. Boy time flies! He'll be going to camp or Ottawa for his end of the year trip this year. The camp is the same one I went to for my grade 8 end of the year trip and I had a blast there so I'm hoping he gets to go!

Jer and I are well also, we just put down half of our deposit on our reception venue yesterday...boy did that ever make it feel real!!! I also bought my wedding shoes today for FIVE DOLLARS!!! Check them out :)

Anyway, that's it for now...I'll update again soon about my friend's son and the fundraisers...tell me if I should put the donate button up...absolutely all donations will go directly to their family.

Sadness, grief, and anxiety...

2009-08-10T10:26:00.002-04:00

This was a very tragic weekend for our family. On Thursday night, Jer found out that their good family friend had passed away from a heart attack at the young age of 51. They were all very close and it was very sad. He went to the viewing on Friday night and then the funeral on Saturday.

Then, just a couple of hours after he got home from the funeral and while we were cooking dinner, we got word that his 4 year old cousin drowned in his pool. When we got the call he still had a faint heartbeat but it didn't look good...he didn't make it through the night. That funeral will be sometime this week...it will be an open casket. I cannot go. I just. Can't.

Is it wrong that it makes my heart jump into my throat when I even THINK about having to see that little 4 year old boy laid out in a box??? I have such bad anxiety about it that I feel like I will throw up (which in turn gives me more anxiety because of my emetophobia)...is it selfish that I can't go? I can't physically bring myself to walk into that funeral home for the viewing alone?

I will attend the funeral but I will be staying as far away from the casket as I possibly can.

I guess it probably has something to do with the fact that I have a little boy about the same age as him and that just 3 weeks ago he and Jonah played in Jer's dads pool together. It makes me think horrible thoughts and makes me want to sit 3 feet from the pool everytime Jonah is even near it (instead of the 10 feet away I normally sit).

My deepest condolences and sympathies go out to Damien's parents...I can't imagine what they're going through. I would no longer be able to function as a normal human being were it me in their shoes.

RIP Damien...you will be missed.

Yadda, yadda, blah, blah, blah :)

2009-07-23T16:36:00.003-04:00

So this will be a random smattering of things going on but I felt I should update again, it's been a while since I updated "goodly" lol...

First of all, I'm SO excited and VERY pleased to announce that I will be getting MARRIED on October 30, 2010!!! Up until now we had played around with some dates and discussed far away details of the future wedding we knew we would one day have but NOW...we went and signed the contract for our reception hall which also happens to be our ceremony site as well...the ball is rolling and the date is now set in stone...10/30/10!!! I do have a wedding blog that I'll be updating and posting pictures of the progress...it's on my side bar in the list of blogs I read under "My Wedding Blog" if you want to check it out (Boho mom, check out my banner...made it myself, yep I did!).

Secondly, Marryn is going on 6 weeks old already! HOW THE HELL DOES THE TIME GO SO FAST??? It seemed to be going backward when I was pregnant with her but now it's just flying and she's over a month old already! She's not smiling quite yet but you can see it won't be long until she is. Isn't she sweet?

And lastly, everyone else is doing well...I just got over a bout of mastitis which SUCKED ROYALLY and I had a fever of 104 but I'm much better now. James just got home from a long visit with his dad and we're so glad to have him home...we missed him big time! Jonah will be 5 on Sunday...it feels like yesterday that it was him laid out on my lap nursing for hours!

Hope everyone is well!

Happy 1st Birthday!

2009-07-13T17:06:00.001-04:00

Surrobabe Niko is a year old today!! That went fast!

Welcome Marryn

2009-06-20T11:45:00.002-04:00

Marryn Grace Kathryn
Wednesday June 17th, 2009 @ 9:41pm
7lbs 11oz
18 1/4 inches

Everything is wonderful!!!

Wednesday June 17th, 2009

2009-06-11T11:13:00.001-04:00

IS BABY DAY!!!

I'm scheduled for an induction at 7:30am...so excited!

:D:D:D

37 Weeks

2009-06-10T07:52:00.002-04:00

Officially Full Term!

At my last Dr's appointment I explained to him how I am in complete and utter pain most of the time...I have become non-functional. I can't walk anywhere without starting to sweat from the pain...I can't do stairs, I haven't slept in my own bed in months...it's HORRIBLE! So, even though he's told me several times that there is nothing we can do about the pain but wait it out, at the last appointment, he also said that if everything is ok at my appointment tomorrow that we'll "tentatively book me for an induction on the 18th" at 38 weeks 1 day. He said he wanted to make sure that she will be ok to breathe on her own and all that good baby type stuff so we'll see how it goes tomorrow.

We had our shower about a week and a half ago as well and it went awesome. I'm so thankful to everyone who helped and came out to celebrate our new baby girl! I got SOOOO many clothes! Seriously, I don't think I will have to do laundry, she'll have a different outfit everyday until she's at LEAST a year old!!! Way different from my boys showers where I got "useful" baby care items like soap and receiving blankets instead of clothes...I have come to the conclusion that it's because girls clothes tend to not only be cuter (and of course PINK!)but there is a WAY bigger selection of girls clothes to choose from. Either way, we're very grateful for all of our gifts! Thank you!!!

In other news, summer is almost here (HURRAH!), I'm so excited to let the boys sleep in in the mornings...Jonah has been SO tired since our move because his bus comes ridiculously early. Poor kid...twice I've let him stay home because he was so tired and both times he slept until after 10am! Yesterday I let him sleep in and took him to school late because he just wouldn't go to sleep the night before. I'll be happy when we can just go with the flow and get up and go about our day when we feel like it...though I know by the end of the summer they'll be driving me crazy and I'll be counting down the days til school starts again!! Same old thing every year hehehe.

So, that's about it for an update for now...I'll keep you posted on baby day as I know more!

Thanks for still reading my sparse posts...I haven't been up to/in the mood to post in the last little while with all the pain I've been in. I can't wait for everything to be done so that we can come home with our baby girl and get on with life and I can go back to being a stay at home mom instead of a stay at home lump on the couch because it hurts to much to do anything!!!

Brad Paisley

2009-05-20T07:05:00.004-04:00

Is one of the biggest *insert horrible name here*'s in the whole world.

http://www.mcknob.com/2009/05/completely-true-brad-paisley-story-and.html

I read this blog all the time...it's friggin fantastic!

Long story short though, Brad Paisley and his wife bought some land in some place beside nashville that had a rental property on it that just so happened to house a non-profit organization for kids who get the shit end of the stick most of the time. It had a petting zoo and climbing walls and so on. When he bought it he said the renters could stay...then not long after his MANAGER came out and gave them a very short period of time to get out...and find a place for all those animals and all the equipment that had accumulated for this awesome organization...

So, I just thought I should keep this story going...spread the word about Mr. Paisley and his "greatness" *scoff*.

Busy, busy, busy...

2009-05-08T07:39:00.003-04:00

Well, we finally moved into our new apartment last Thursday...I LOVE it. It's awesome here...big windows, lots of light, lots of room and more than one floor! I'm so happy, we've been starting to get the baby's room ready too so it's starting to become a little more real! I can't believe we only have 54 more days to go til my due date!!

We also had a 3D ultrasound 2 weeks ago...we are definitely having a girl! Here are some pictures:

We have a top three names list right now and they are:

Marryn Grace Kathryn

Eve Kathryn Grace

or

Layla Grace Kathryn

Though anything could change between now and July 1st (or before if she comes early at all).

Anyway, as we get things ready I'll be taking pics and posting them here so stay tuned for nursery photo's...and probably new apartment photos too! Hope everyone is well :)

What's your fairy name?

2009-03-31T10:34:00.002-04:00

Boho mom posted this and I LOVE it!!!

Your fairy is called Gossamer Cornglitter

She is a creator of bounty and harvest.

She lives in spiderwebbed wonderlands and insect grottos.

She is only seen in the light of a shooting star.

She wears tiny black spiders on her dresses. She has butterfly wings the colour of yellow corn.

Get your free fairy name here!

The Mounties are gonna kick yer ass!!

2009-03-23T14:37:00.003-04:00

http://www.citynews.ca/news/news_33132.aspx

Has anyone else seen this? Do Americans REALLY think this way??? Seriously? For real? Cuz dude, really....you honestly think we have men in red coats and big brown hats roaming around on horses chasing our bad guys down????? Wow. Time for school little buddy!

I do beleive we are owed an apology...especially considering we've lost 116 soldiers in a war that was not ours to fight to begin with.

In my home town

2009-03-21T13:24:00.002-04:00

We've lost a young soldier. I always get misty when I hear on the news about another Canadian soldier being lost in a war that we didn't start, that we shouldn't be fighting in...but when that soldier is from my home town...oh my God, I am speechless. I didn't know him, but our little town is only 19,000 people...several of my friends did know him. He went to my highschool. He's the same age as my little brother. I'm so sad today.

From the Welland Tribune
Port Colborne soldier killed in Afghanistan
Posted By MAGGIE RIOPELLE AND JOHN VESSOYAN/mriopelle@wellandtribune.ca
Updated 4 hours ago

PORT COLBORNE — Niagara is mourning the loss of its second soldier killed this month by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan.

Cpl. Tyler Crooks of Port Colborne was one of four Canadian soldiers killed in two separate incidents in Kandhar province, Friday Afghanistan time.

Crooks and Master Cpl. Scott Vernelli, 28, of Sault Ste. Marie, were killed by an improvised explosive device while on foot patrol in the Zhari district.

Both were of November Company, Royal Canadian Regiment, based in Petawawa. Crooks was in the 1st Batallion; Vernelli from the 3rd Batallion.

Trooper Jack Bouthillier of Hearst, Ont., and Trooper Corey Joseph Hayes, of New Brunswick, were killed just hours later when a roadside bomb exploded in the Shah Wali Kot district, a region northwest of the city that is seeing an increase in Taliban activity.

Eight other soldiers were injured in the blasts.

On March 3, Warrant Officer Dennis Brown of St. Catharines, a member of the Lincoln and Welland Regiment, was killed by a roadside bomb northwest of Kandahar.

At a Port Colborne Remembrance Day ceremony in 2007, Crooks, dressed in his fatigues, stood among civilians at the local legion branch.

Then preparing in Petawawa to ship out to Afghanistan the following year, Crooks said the Nov. 11 event is becoming more relevant these days because of the number of Canadians dying overseas.

"It's a day to remember and reflect on all the people who served in the armed forces and helped keep Canada free," he said.

Capt. Scott Costen, public affairs officer for 31 Canadian Brigade Group, said his family plans to issue a written statement today. “Until then, the family asks for privacy,” he said in an e-mail.

Things were coming together for Crooks, who was to turn 24 yesterday. He and beloved fiancée, 23-year-old Kelly Maxwell of Niagara Falls, were planning their wedding and their future together. Crooks was to return from his tour in Afghanistan in one month.

Alex Maxwell, the father of Crooks’ fiancee, called the fallen hero “the son I never had.”

“He was a wonderful kid,” an emotional Maxwell said. “I've got three beautiful daughters, and I just loved him to death. He loved my daughter more than anything in the world.”

Maxwell said yesterday was Crook and his fiancée’s sixth anniversary as a couple.

Kelly worked as a border services agent at the Rainbow Bridge before being transferred to Ottawa.

“They were going together for six years and were planning their life up in the Ottawa area.”

He said Crooks was also a “tremendous hockey player.” He played junior B hockey in Port Colborne and was a star player for the Canadian Army.

Crooks’ picture was shown Feb. 14 on Coach’s Corner, the popular weekly Saturday show that’s part of CBC’s Hockey Night in Canada broadcast. Crooks’ image was also shown on the scoreboard during a Toronto Maple Leafs game.

“He was supposed to meet Don Cherry when he was to come home,” said Maxwell.

“He was always smiling, always laughing. He ribbed me and I ribbed him, always in fun. He never had a bad word about anyone.”

Maxwell continued: "(Crooks) loved being in the army. He loved the outdoors, loved fishing, hunting with his father. He was just an incredible, incredible kid.”

An emotional Port Colborne Mayor Vance Badawey called the death of Crooks “a tragic loss for this community.”

“To lose a young man like this, on his 24th birthday, is hard to take. This was a young man who put his community and his country above himself.”

Badawey, a friend of the Crooks family, said Tyler Crooks was “a great young man, who will be sorely missed by his community.”

“Cpl. Crooks accepted his mission in Afghanistan to contribute to the freedom of democracy that we, as Canadians, enjoy every day,” the mayor said.

A book of condolences will be at city hall for the public to sign.

Niagara Regional Police Sgt. Tim Welychka coached Crooks as a member of the Dunnville Terriers Junior C hockey team from 2001 to 2003.

Welychka said Crooks at one point considered a career in policing but decided instead to pursue a life with the military.

“I was just floored when I found out this morning. Tyler was a great, great kid.”

He said Tyler was well-liked by his teammates.

“People took a shine to him. He was always a pleasure to have in the room. You wished you had 17 more guys just like him, any coach would say that."

Welychka said hockey players and coaches become part of a family. Coaches get to see their young players grow up, excel in their personal and professional lives.

It's a close connection that is hard to put into words, he said.

"Hockey people are like a family. You watch these kids grow up ... and they go out of their way to see how they’re doing (years later). That friendship is always there, that's what makes it so hard. It's a brotherhood, it's family. My heart goes out to his family. It's way too sad."

Before becoming a soldier, Crooks also played junior B hockey for the former Port Colborne Sailors, currently known as the Pirates.

Team owner Tim Toffolo said he recalls Crooks as somebody who had lots of friends and was well-respected by those who knew him.

“Tyler was a very well-liked individual in town. He was dedicated to what he was doing. It’s a sad loss for the city of Port Colborne. He sacrificed his life for a great cause.”

Lakeshore Catholic High School athletic director Dino Germano taught Crooks.

Germano remembers the young man as an avid weight lifter who was very serious about getting into the military.

“He loved to workout — he worked out hard.”

The teacher was deeply saddened that one of his former students had lost his life.

“He was a good kid.”

Germano remembers Crooks seeing the bright side of everything.

“He was always optimistic. He was well-liked.”

Germano said Crooks never forgot where he came from and visited Lakeshore last year to tell his teachers what he was doing with his life.

“He was happy to see the teachers who taught him,” he said. “He was so proud to be in the military.”

Master Cpl. Vernelli and Crooks were both well-known and popular with other soldiers in their company, which is on the cusp of finishing a six-month tour.

Both men were close with the commander of November Company, Maj. Rob McBride, who often joked with Crooks over the radio about sports.

“They were close friends of his,” said Capt. Chris Reeves, the deputy commander of November Company.

Such was his respect for the young soldier that McBride supported Crooks as a candidate for officer training.

“He was getting ready to (be) on that path to be commissioned from the ranks,” Reeves said. “He would have been good.”

Welland MP Malcolm Allen and St. Catharines MP Rick Dykstra said the loss will be deeply felt by the community.

Welland MPP Peter Kormos said while the death of Crooks is tragic for his family and friends, the reason he was in harm’s way in the first place should be a matter of pride.

“We need to remember these young men and woman are not there protecting Canadian turf. They are there to serve human kind,” Kormos said.

“We are saddened by the death of Cpl. Crooks, but we can be proud of the sacrifice he chose to make.”

Brig.-Gen. Jonathan Vance, the commander of Canadian troops in Afghanistan, is urging Canadians not to consider the deaths a failure on the part of anyone, or of the mission itself.

The deaths bring to 116 the number of Canadian soldiers who have died as part of the Afghan mission since it began in 2002.

Crooks’ death marks the third Niagara resident killed in the war-torn country.

Corp. Albert Storm, 36, of Fort Erie died Nov. 27, 2006, after a suicide bomber attack. He was a member of the 1st Battalion, Royal Canadian Regiment, out of Petawawa.

No information regarding funeral arrangements for Cpl. Crooks were made public Friday.

— with files from the Canadian Press and Sun Media

RIP Tyler.

So I'm not the only one who feels this way??

2009-03-10T09:11:00.003-04:00

I know this is a controversial subject but I can't help but feel like someone FINALLY spoke my mind for me...

Welland Tribune, March 10, 2009
MINDELLE JACOBS

Vatican lives in a vacuum

Another International Women's Day has passed and the Roman Catholic Church has started the year badly, predictably, by condemning an abortion for a nine-year-old Brazilian rape victim.

The Vatican is having a difficult time forcing women to have unwanted children, particularly in developing countries.

In Brazil, for example, there are an estimated 1.4 million illegal abortions a year. (The procedure is only allowed in cases of rape or to save the life of the mother). One in four pregnancy-related deaths in the heavily Catholic country is due to complications from an unsafe abortion.

But that hasn't stopped the Catholic church from continuing to place the fetus above the health and economic needs of women.

The Brazilian girl, allegedly raped by her stepfather, was pregnant with twins and was given a legal abortion last week because doctors concluded that continuing the pregnancy could have killed her.

Since the Catholic Church couldn't stop her from having an abortion, the local archbishop spanked the family with a religious penalty -- excommunicating the girl's mother and the doctors.

Memo to the Vatican: They don't care. They made what they felt was the right call under the circumstances. And they undoubtedly believe God is on their side.

Tellingly, the archbishop didn't excommunicate the stepfather, who is now in custody. While he allegedly committed a crime by molesting the girl for years, abortion is the more serious offence, according to the church.

"Human law has no value" when it's contrary to God's law, the archbishop explained. How convenient, of course, that old, rich men who are completely out of touch with the harsh realities of people's lives take it upon themselves to interpret God's will.

And so it goes. The Vatican continues to oppose abortion and millions of women around the world -- many of them Catholics in developing countries -- continue to have them because they don't give a hoot about church teaching on this issue.

About one in five pregnancies worldwide ends in abortion, according to the Guttmacher Institute. Furthermore, it doesn't matter whether abortion is legal or not. Women will still undergo the procedure.

The lowest abortion rates in the world are in western Europe and North America, where birth control is widely available and abortion is overwhelmingly safe and legal.
In contrast, the abortion rate is staggeringly high in Africa and Latin America, where abortion is either illegal or severely restricted.

The Vatican lives in a dream world where every child is a wanted child. You naughty Catholics shouldn't be having sex unless you're planning to procreate! No birth control for you!
In fact, according to the Guttmacher Institute, more than one-third of pregnancies in developing countries are unintended and many of those end in illegal abortions.

The result? About five million women a year are hospitalized for complications due to unsafe abortions.

The police raided a medical clinic in Brazil a while back and seized patient records and the authorities are attempting to prosecute 1,000 women who had illegal abortions. Meanwhile, complications from unsafe abortions are the fifth leading cause of maternal mortality in Mexico.

If given the choice, most women would have a couple of kids -- not six or eight. If the Catholic Church really cared, it would be handing out condoms and birth control pills all over the Third World.

It's almost like the church gets off on female suffering.

That said, I don't believe in abortion as a form of birth control but, come on, seriously, a 9 year old who was raped by her step father, pregnant with twins that could kill her and she is excommunicated????? PLEASE. And the stepfather is NOT excommunicated???? PUH-LEASE! How can they accept someone who has committed a crime on a child, one who just so happens to NOT be in the womb anymore, but not accept someone who had an abortion at the age of NINE, someone who shouldn't even know what abortion or rape is, because she may have DIED if she didn't? I don't understand that backwards thinking!!!! It's appalling!!

More on this case http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/americas/03/11/brazil.rape.abortion/index.html ...

Young Bride

2009-02-24T10:38:00.003-05:00

When I first read the headline, "9 year old bride walks down aisle in Dallas, Texas" my first thought was what kind of horrible parents let/force their 9 year old to get married??? But then I watched the accompanying video and proceeded to bawl my friggin eyes out. It's the story of a little girl battling luekemia who's battle will end in the next couple of weeks and her only wish was to get married so she did....watch but make sure you have kleenex!!!

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2009/02/24/diaz.tx.9.year.old.wedding.wfaa

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

2009-02-19T08:49:00.002-05:00

Last Thursday we had an ultrasound done.
Though baby was quite modest and kept legs with knees together most of the time, the ultrasound tech said that when she did get a peek that she thought it's a girl!

We have a 3D ultrasound booked for April 25th...I can't wait!!!

Half-Baked

2009-02-11T08:59:00.002-05:00

Well, 20 weeks today! Half way there and it feels like yesterday that I was peeing on sticks just to see those two pink lines!!!

It's amazing, every day I grow more connected to this little life that's growing inside me. I have less worry about not having a big enough heart to love all of these children. I still worry about the birth and what will happen...I'm scared something may happen to me or my uterus but I try not to dwell too much...there's nothing I can do until that time comes and it's still 20 weeks away!

I have still not heard from the court house as to whether they'll approve my request for an urgent motion so that I won't be held in contempt of court when I don't do "my share" of the driving each weekend. By Friday it won't matter anymore and the worst part is I know that even if they do call by then it won't be until next week that we get in there at which point AGAIN it won't matter. Though the boy doesn't want to go this weekend anyway and will stay home so I won't TECHNICALLY be "deliberatley disobeying the court order"...the D-bag told the boy that it's up to him when he comes now and he doesn't want to go because he doesn't want to help them move. Last weekend when he picked him up he asked if he could have him Thursday night until the following Monday and keep him out of school on the Friday and the boy spoke up and said, "Why so I can help you move?" and the D-bag said yes. I don't think that's very fair really....he's barely there and then he has to help them pack and clean and move everything??? Not a very fun kind of "spending time with my dad" kind of weekend.

And then there's the fact that he came home from last weekend and told me that the D-bag's girlfriend told him that he's not allowed to bring his Nintendo DS anymore...I swear they're trying to make him NOT want to go anymore.

He also said that she told him that if he gets all C's again on his next report card he'll be grounded there. It really burns my ass when they say shit like that...that is NOT positive reinforcement. When the boy came home with a report card that looked like that I asked him what he thought. He said he wasn't happy with it. I told him that if he wasn't happy with it then he needed to try his best to get better grades. I did NOT punish him...I don't think that's the way to handle stuff like that and it is discouraging to a child, especially in the middle of the term, reports are due to go home in a month. Now he's going to worry about what his report is going to look like until he gets it...it's not right. If the boy would just buckle down and do the WORK that's given to him he'd get amazing grades...this is not a question of whether or not he CAN do it...it's that he's NOT doing it and I've been working with him to make sure he does it but there is only so much I can do from home.

The D-bag is just pushing him further and further away and I'm not sure if he realizes that or not. It's sad but the boy will come to his own conclusions about his father and one day will form his own opinions as well...I don't think it will be pretty.

Peace and ear-numbing quiet!

2009-02-06T08:54:00.002-05:00

The neighbours FINALLY finished moving out on Wednesday night/Thursday morning at like 1:30am (of course we had to get up at 6:30 so I was NOT impressed but didn't say anything because they were GETTING OUT and that was the most important thing).

It is SOOOO wonderful now...no dogs, no kids running back and forth at 11:00 pm, no loud music at any given time and most of all no bitchy teenagers who think the world owe them something giving me the evil eye every time we cross paths!!

I can hear the voices in my head again! (hehe, line from FRIENDS)

Now onto cleaning and organizing and packing my own house. We're moving back to Welland on May 1st. It's a lovely 3 bedroom unit in a four-plex. Full basement with a place that can be a room, laundry hook ups and enough space for a cube freezer and pantry shelves. The main floor is Livingroom, Diningroom and kitchen which is HUGE compared to the little one I have now. There is also a half bath right at the front door...it's TINY but it's nice we won't have to go upstairs everytime we have to use the washroom. Then upstairs is the three bedrooms, full bath and linen closet. Two of the rooms are a really decent size and then the other room, which will be the baby's room (baby's room!!! I've never had a baby's room!!!) is quite a bit smaller but big enough for anything a baby would need a room for.

I'm so excited!! I feel like things are finally moving toward our future. I feel stuck here in Niagara Falls...I don't like it here, the area is not really safe for the kids and all our family and friends except like 2 (mind you they are two of our best friends :( ) are in Welland. This place also has central air which will be nice while I'm nursing a newborn in the middle of July!! We won't stick together like grilled cheese lol!!

Now that we're moving and I have to pack I'm going to do my schooling online (if they ever get around to sending me the email with my passwords) and the first course I'm taking is Grade 11 University Prep English. I have all of my compulsory credits already so I was able to just take whatever I wanted. I'm good with English so I figured, why not. Eventually if I do go to college or whatever I'm probably just going to take something to do with Office Admin anyway because that's what I do best.

Now on to the not so good stuff. My eldest's dad is moving an hour and a half away from me. Which you would think, being that we don't get along, would be a good thing. But it's not, only for one reason...

Our current court order states that I am to "pick up the child at the respondants residence at the end of all access periods".

Yeah...and he's holding me to it. The jerk expecting me to drive at least 3 hours round trip every Sunday except one a month to pick him up at his dads. This are financially tight as it is right now and we just can't afford to add a tank of gas every weekend to the budget.

I have filed court papers which I have to serve tonight and our court date is not until May 6th . Yeah. THREE MONTHS AWAY!!!! They're moving NEXT WEEK!!! I have spoken to a lawyer and he said if I DON'T drive I can be held in contempt of court. Ugh.

So I also filed for an urgent motion to change this arrangement because I don't want to be held in contempt of court and so hopefully the judge will approve my request and we can get in there within two weeks.

I really don't think it should be my responsibility to drive whether I have the money or not being that he's the one who is deciding to move. He tried to counter with the fact that I'm moving back to Welland so "what would be the difference?"....ummmm....the fact that Welland is TWENTY MINUTES AWAY....not an hour and a half!!! And not only that when the court order was written...I LIVED IN WELLAND!!! He can be a real dip sometimes...

Anyway, I'll keep you updated on that...I'll stop rambling about it now because I could go on and on!!!!

Have a great weekend!!!

2 more sleeps!!!

2009-01-29T13:03:00.002-05:00

THE NEIGHBOURS ARE MOVING ON SATURDAY!!! WOOOOOOT!!!!!

In other news, lol...I have definitely been a bit more motivated. I cleaned the house last week (not that you can tell now since I had children home for two days) and got registered for school today.

I'm 18 weeks preggo now, it went fast. I have a feeling I won't be thinking that once I hit somewhere around 32 weeks but right now, it's going very quickly.

Not a whole lot to report but wanted to share the news about the neighbours!! I can't wait!!!!!

Potpourri

2009-01-21T14:10:00.005-05:00

I know, I've been slacking. But honestly, I feel totally unmotivated lately, I'm just recently (like in the last two days) feeling like doing anything but sitting on my big fat pregnant ass and doing nothing. So, maybe I'm starting to pull out of this funk or whatever it is but I'm hoping to be blogging a little more frequently than I have been in the last two months.

I got some new pics of Niko today:

Isn't he huge for 6 months????

Hmmmm, let's see, what else? Oh, the horrible neighbours are moving out!!! Not this weekend but next! WOOOOOOT!!!! So damned excited! Landlord is leaving it empty for a month so it will be sooooo quiet for the month of February! So happy!

I just made an appointment to go and get registered for school as of February 2nd. I will be completing my high school. I've been VERY bored in the last few weeks since the holidays are over and so I thought, well, I have the time, might as well go do it and get it done before the baby is born. So, I should be a high school graduate by like June. Yay!

Ummmmm, partylite is slow, but that's not surprising considering the time of year and the economy. I'm hoping it will pick up eventually.

We're looking into possibly purchasing a house. Jer's family knows someone who has access to foreclosures so we may be able to get a really sweet deal on a decent house....crossing my fingers but not getting my hopes up. I just have this feeling that we're not bringing in enough money for a mortgage just yet. If not then we will continue to rent and we'll be moving back to Welland in August.

That's about it for now...I am really hoping I'm out of my slump....spring is just two months away!!!!

I can relate to this article...

2009-01-08T09:28:00.004-05:00

So, it's 9:28 am EST and I've been awake since 4:30am. I woke up not feeling very well and instead of disturbing Jer who had to work at 7:00 am I thought, I'll go sleep on the couch. Well, SLEEP did not happen. No, no, the neighbours new puppy decided it was time to play!!! 4:30 am. Running back and forth playing with a bone or some other hard object until 8! LOVELY!!!

I've been having problems with these people for EVER but I'm SO stressed out now I can relate to this article (though I would never EVER do something like this and I think this guy is a bit ridiculous considering it was only parking a car on the street).

Lack of sleep will make ANYONE a little strung out but when a pregnant woman doesn't get her sleep..........*breathes in and out slowly lest she goes medevil on the neighbours*

http://www.citynews.ca/news/news_30788.aspx

And HOW is this still taking place in this day and age????

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/asiapcf/01/08/png.witchcraft/index.html

A New Year

2009-01-04T11:27:00.002-05:00

Happy Holidays everyone, I hope you all had a wonderful celebration.

We've been very busy...non-stop almost since the tuesday before Christmas. I've wanted to post but haven't had the time or inspiration. I don't know if it's just this time of year, the time of hibernation or what but I don't feel like anything I have to say is important enough to post it here.

Sure, I could bitch about my lovely neighbours who are the loudest and rudest people on earth, or their puppy who cried for 8 hours the other day because it was locked in a kennel (poor puppy :(). I could bitch about my so called "siblings" who didn't speak to me at our uncles funeral.

But really, I don't feel like it. I don't feel like telling the whole story. I don't feel like I'm asking for advice because really there is no solution to either of those problems at the moment. It's just bitching.

I'm in the 2nd trimester now and feeling better but looking worse. My skin looks terrible and my hair is completely unmanagable.

I think I may have my bitchy pants on for a while so I don't know when I'll post again. I feel like I bring the mood down when I write a bitch post. And that's all I got right now....a bitch post.

So, I hope you all had a good New Years and hope your 2009 had a better start than mine did. I hope this is not a foreshadowing of the year to come....

What do you think?

2008-12-17T10:34:00.002-05:00

http://www.wsbtv.com/news/18297000/detail.html

Long story short: A Muslim woman was wearing a hijab in a U.S. court room and was asked to remove it as they have a law of no headgear. When she refused she was arrested.

What do you think? Should she have been allowed to wear her hijab even though laws state it is not permitted based on freedom of religion?

My opinion? She should have removed it. I'm all for freedom of religion and what not but I really think that this law of no headgear in a court room is more for safety purposes than anything. It hides distinguishing features. If someone walked into a bank with a ski mask on and said it was part of their religion what would happen? I know it sound ridiculous and "out there" as an example but to me it's the same thing. It hides distinguishing features and it could be used as a disguise. I could put on a hijab and say I was Muslim but does that make me exempt from following the law? I don't think so.

Assisted Suicide

2008-12-11T09:21:00.002-05:00

I know this is a huge contraversial issue but I think it is one that needs to be examined further and all sides debated.

When my father was suffering/dying of lung cancer, my cousins 8 year old son said something so profound it made me change my views on this topic all together. He said, "We will put our animals down so they don't suffer but we won't put humans down so they don't suffer?? Why??"

And it's true. Why are we more humane to our animals than we are to our people?? Now I'm not saying that someone who has the shit end of the stick in life and is down and depressed should be allowed to have an assisted suicide. But I do think that someone who is suffering from a disease that there is no cure for, that is terminal, one that the inevitable end is death no matter how much medication you take, should be allowed, if they so choose, to go to sleep peaceful and just not wake up in that state of suffering again.

Here is the article that inspired me to write this post:

Britain In Shock After Film Showing Man Committing Suicide Is Broadcast On TV
Thursday December 11, 2008
CityNews.ca Staff

Reality TV has been heavily criticized over the years for its increasing willingness to take things to graphic extremes.

But a show that aired on Wednesday night in the U.K. has brought a new focus to the debate over how far is too far. And it was viewed by millions of people who likely weren't sure whether they should even be watching it in the first place.

This wasn't some game show with a million dollar prize. Instead, it was a sombre opus about life - and most especially, death. It involved the televised suicide of a computer scientist from Chicago named Craig Ewert.

The 59-year-old, who suffered from an incurable and degenerative motor neuron disease, had decided to end his life in an assisted suicide at a clinic in Switzerland. But he didn't want to go out without spreading the word about his ultimate solution to ending his pain.

So he agreed to have his final act be part of a documentary that traced his life and death. His goal: to show that assisted suicide is a humane act that ends needless suffering.

The documentary, originally called the "Suicide Tourist," was made by Canadian filmmaker John Zaritsky in 2006. It features Ewert's struggling to cope with a disease that has left him feeling like "an empty shell."

As it follows him on his journey from Britain - where assisted suicide is illegal - to Switzerland, he explains he wanted to have it filmed to ensure authorities reconsidered their stance against the act.

"If I go through with it, I die as I must at some point," he recounts in the film. "If I don't go through with it, my choice is essentially to suffer, and to inflict suffering on my family, and then die."

"I think I can take my bow, and say: Thanks, it's been fun," he notes later.

As for the moral aspect of what he's doing? Ewert is blunt. "Some people might say: "No, suicide is wrong, God has forbidden it. Fine, but you know what? This ventilator is God."

He also sends an emotional message to his adult son and daughter, hoping they'll understand why he cut his life short.

"I would hope that this is not a cause of major distress to those who love me," he indicates through a voice activated computer, having lost the power of speech. "This is a journey I must make."

In the final scene, Ewert is seen lying in bed, wearing a ventilator. As the documentary nears its end, and with his wife by his side and Beethoven's ninth symphony playing in the background, the subject takes some pills, asks for a glass of apple juice and struggles to swallow the bitter barbiturates.

His wife of 37 years is seen holding his hand as his life slips away. "Have a safe journey," she tells him through tears. "See you sometime."

He uses his teeth to turn off his ventilator and in front of the unblinking eye of the camera, he dies on screen.

The Oscar-winning documentary has been shown on TV in Canada before to little reaction. But it stirred up a hornet's nest of controversy in England about reality television finally going too far.
Many religious groups are condemning the concept of taking one's own life and others are shocked that it was allowed to air at all.

The debate has been so great it has even come up in the British Parliament, where the opposition has been demanding to know why Prime Minister Gordon Brown didn't step in to stop it from being shown.

The P.M. claims the federal watchdog in the country will be reviewing whether the show should have aired.

Zaritsky has explained it would not have been honest to the film's mission if he hadn't shown its true ending. But the program, aired on a normally little watched cable channel, appears to have had the effect Ewert was hoping for.

Opinion polls now say that 80 per cent of the British public believes assisted suicide should be allowed in the country if there's no chance a patient will recover and if it will stop someone from suffering.

Article from City News, Toronto

I was tagged last week

2008-12-11T09:00:00.003-05:00

But I haven't got around to it until now....oopsy! I was tagged by Jennifer...I won't be tagging anyone but if you'd like to play along feel free!!!

Here are the rules:
Link to your tagger and list the rules
List 7 random facts about yourself
Tag 7 people (and make sure you check back and see what they say!)
If you're tagged, play along and pass it on

1. I have been pregnant 6 times in 11 years and have given birth to 5 babies so far (including a set of twins) and will be giving birth to the 6th in July.

2. I don't like fruit. Give me veggies til the cows come home but I don't like fruit. There is a reason! I find that fruit never tastes the same as the last piece you had. There is never a consistency to it. The only fruit I will eat is watermelon and Mutsu apples...because they mostly stay the same!

3. I have an arse-load of allergies. My biggest are pollen and any animal with hair (besides the hypo-allergenic ones that cost a fortune to buy). I sneeze, cough, get itchy, watery eyes and I my asthma acts up. It sucks because most of my friends have animals so I can't go and hang out for long.

4. Although I want to, I've never really travelled anywhere. The furthest I've been from home (Niagara Falls, Ontario) is Virginia Beach, Virginia. I'm hoping to return there some day because I loved it! Other than that, Montreal is as far as I've been in Canada (other than Nova Scotia when I was like 9 months old but I don't remember that so it doesn't count!).

5. I don't like winter. I don't like the snow unless I can stay inside and enjoy watching it from the window. I feel bad because I know my boys would love for me to come and play with them but I just can't stand being cold and wet!! Thank God Jer likes the snow...he takes the boys out and I bake and make hot chocolate for when they come in all rosy cheeked and freezing.

6. I love sushi even though I don't eat fish. There is some REALLY GREAT vegetable sushi and I LOOOOOOVE it. I want some right now even though it's only 9am. Pregnant much??

7. I get bored with things easily. I dunno if it's the Sagittarius in me or what but I rarely finish things I start. It's a horrible habit and I don't know how to change it because I just get so BORED with things!!

That's it! Play if you want, let me know if you did so I can come read it!!

Awwww

2008-12-03T14:10:00.001-05:00

I have my own doppler at home and found the baby's heartbeat for the first time yesterday...makes it very real!!! I'm so in love with this tiny human that isn't even here yet!!

Here I go, all political again

2008-12-02T14:52:00.003-05:00

Canada can no longer be classified as a democracy in my opinion.

First of all, the Bloc has NO PLACE in this "coalition" as it stands. They are NOT a federal party and therefore should not be allowed to represent the whole country. It's not right.

Secondly, WE THE PEOPLE voted our government in. I didn't like it, I didn't agree with who won, but that's who our Canada chose. It should remain that way. I cannot believe that the opposing/losing parties are just going to go in and do what they want anyway...why the hell did we spend 300 Million dollars and vote if it wasn't going to make one fucking bit of difference anyway?!?!?! I'm SOOOO angry!!!

Jack Layton, whom I was supporting to begin with is just as EVIL as Harper is now...could he not be charged with Treason????

I just don't understand why/how this is happening. Is our country now considered communist? Is that the opposite of democratic? I'm confused and I would really like some answers as to why the whiny 4th graders who are mad about the election results can stomp their feet and get their own way!!!!

http://www.chtv.com/ch/chchnews/story.html?id=1017301
More of the story for those who don't really know what I'm bitching about.

And just to quote one thing in that article that really ticked me off:

"Bloc Quebecois Leader Gilles Duceppe said his party is ready to support the coalition because the Conservatives chose partisan games based on ideological beliefs instead of considering the interests of Quebecers and Canadians."

Quebecers and Canadians????? WE ARE THE SAME GD COUNTRY....WE HAVE NOT SEPERATED!!!! Quebecers ARE Canadians!!!

Popcorn, Cherry Popsicles and Cauliflower

2008-11-26T11:11:00.002-05:00

THOSE are my cravings so far. That and a sandwich...but not just any sandwich....a big, honkin' sandwich with lots of lettuce and tomatoes and sub sauce and mayo and......yeah. And so far, I'm NOT craving the smell of Comet as I did with the twins and Niko. I'M SO GLAD!!!

I was watching a Baby Story and Bringing Home Baby today on TLC and I was SOOOOO weepy!!! Here are my issues:

~ I'm afraid that I will feel differently towards this baby than I do to the boys...Jonah really. When I was pregnant with Jonah, I didn't have that feeling like I wouldn't have enough love for both of them...I'm not sure if it was because I had been away from James so much that we don't have the bond I'd like to have or what the deal was but I wasn't worried and didn't have any of these feelings. It's new to me and it scares me and makes me very sad. I'm sure it's normal but it still sucks none-the-less.

~ I'm afraid of giving birth again. My last two births have not exactly gone smoothly. The twins were born via emergency c-section. I had a section scheduled but they had their own schedule...they came 5 weeks early, 3 weeks before the scheduled section and they were breech. The c-section is by far the worst experience (physically) of my entire life. It was very scary and the nurses and doctors are desensitized and think it's 'normal' to be afraid and so on and so forth and therefore don't offer much in the way of comfort. Then with Niko, I bled. ALOT. So much so that my blood pressure dropped severely and made me throw up (one of my worst fears is throwing up) and made me weak for about 2 weeks after he was born. Other than that the birth was great but recovering from that was pretty awful...how would I take care of a newborn in that condition? I think I would tell them to give me the blood transfusion they debated on so that I could recover better. I had a transfusion after the twins as well and I felt better almost immediately.

~ I'm afraid that if we have a girl this time I won't know what to do with her. I've taken care of two baby boys...easy, peasy, lemon squeezy. Girls are all new parts!!! I have them myself but I've never had to care for anyones but my own!!! Lots of learning to do if she's a girl!

~ I'm feeling very ambivilant at times and while I've read that it's normal, I've been nothing but excited for my own babies in the past so this is new to me. I already love this baby SOOO much and I cannot wait for their arrival but on the otherhand I'm SCARED! It's been four and will be almost five years when they come....I'm out of practice!

Anyway, those are my issues to say the least...this is all piled on top of normal pregnancy stuff like morning sickness and mood swings.

I feel bad for my family!

Still Surreal

2008-11-24T12:04:00.003-05:00

So, the last two posts kind of sucked, I know. But honestly, I really don't have a whole lot to report. Being in early pregnancy, I don't feel the baby yet, I can't hear the heartbeat on my doppler yet, I haven't had the ultrasound yet so I can't post any pictures of the little bean. Early pregnancy, despite being sick, is pretty boring lol.

It's still surreal to me really. In the last three years I've been pregnant three times and this is the 4th baby (there were twins in 2006). This is the first of those babies that I'm actually bringing home with me. It's hard to believe sometimes...we don't have much done in the way of preparing yet...we have some clothes that were given to us but that's about it. Jonah's crib is still at my moms and we don't really have a place for it at the moment...of course it's still very early to be even thinking about those things but I think as time goes on and as more things are accumulated and prepared, it will make it more real.

Reflecting on the last two pregnancies is weird too. They aren't all that different than this one thouse I'm not nearly as sick this time because I'm not on any of the medications I was for the surrogacy (both were IVF and so needed drugs to sustain the pregnancy until 12 weeks when the placenta took over). Still, I'm having a very hard time envisioning bringing this baby home with us and having him or her with me all the time during the hospital stay. The last two times, I brought DVD's and magazines to keep me occupied and I was still bored lol. This time is going to be so different...we're going to have a baby!!!!

I'm very excited to be a mom again. We're not finding out the sex this time so that will add to the excitement in the end as well...but really, I'm SO DONE being pregnant for a while. I feel so very lucky and blessed to be able to get pregnant so easily and quickly. I know how many mother's (those with children and those without, I truly believe that every woman who wants children is already a mother) would love to be in my shoes and who would like to throw rocks at me for complaining!! Trust me, I am grateful! I'm just very excited to NOT be pregnant for a while after this little peanut comes. I'm sure my body will thank me as well!

So, while I'm not throwing out great posts right now, keep in mind I'm still under construction here and early pregnancy is boring (not to mention makes you sick a little everyday lol) and I promise to have better posts soon!!!!

Uneventful

2008-11-20T17:44:00.002-05:00

Dr's appointment went well, not much to report, have a bunch of bloodwork to complete and then our first ultrasound was scheduled for December 11th at 2:15pm. Can't wait!!! Next appointment with the Dr. is December 18th. I'll get a firm due date then. :)

Doctor's Appointment!!

2008-11-20T07:38:00.002-05:00

First one of the "season"/pregnancy. Expecting a approximate due date, blood work and a first ultrasound date. Update when I get home...very excited :) Makes it more real.

Who Am I?

2008-11-14T11:23:00.002-05:00

Have you ever stopped to think about it for real? What encompasses you? What defines you? What makes you who you are? If you were asked to describe yourself, what would you say?

I am at a loss for words. I'm sad because I really don't feel like I know who I am.

After talking with This Guy about blogs and comments and Blog names, it occured to me that I am NOT the Cross Stitch Bitch (despite the fact that I do Cross Stitch and I do Bitch from time to time, it doesn't not encompass me). Nor am I a soapbox as this blog had originally started as (even though I do step up there sometimes, I'm not continuously on the box).

Who am I?

There will be a new name coming in the future, one I hope will be ME. One I hope will explain who I am or at least sort of explain.

I'm simple. I'm not eye catching. I'm not glamourous. I'm not shiny or sparkly. I don't really have an edge. I don't wear make up or fancy clothes. I don't stand out. I really am a girl next door.

And that's ok, because I like it that way.

I was tagged!

2008-11-14T10:42:00.002-05:00

Answer with one word only!

1. Where is your cell phone? desk
2. Where is your significant other? work
3. Your hair color? brown
4. Your favorite thing? family
5. Your dream last night? Dunno
6. Your dream/goal? sing
7. The room you’re in? office
8. Your hobby? computer
9. Your fear? death
10. Where do you want to be in six years? stable
11. Where were you last night? home
12. What you’re not? male
13. One of your wish list items? Mac
14. Where you grew up? Port
15. The last thing you did? phone
16. What are you wearing? pants
17. Your T.V.? off
18. Your pet? fish
19. Your computer? slow
20. Your mood? retrospective
21. Missing someone? always
22. Your car? van
23. Something you’re not wearing? socks
24. Favorite store? Walmart
25. Your Summer? fast
26. Love someone? yes
27. Your favorite color? blue
28. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday
29. Last time you cried? today

I tag Jennifer, Marnie, and Ruth. Everyone else I would have tagged has already done it or have been tagged! :)

The Coolest Site I've Seen in a While

2008-11-13T16:34:00.002-05:00

http://www.zefrank.com/from52to48withlove/

How great is this? It's amazing what has already changed in the world since the election. I'm still filled with a sense of hope, even as the economy is crashing around us!

All around us

2008-11-13T09:01:00.002-05:00

In almost every blog I read there are issues with money and the economy. Some of those bloggers are even freelance writers and are having to look for part-time jobs to make ends meet. It's all around us and we're no different.

We've really been struggling to make ends meet and now we're a little worried because it's almost Christmas. For the last 2 years, the boys have had a wonderful Christmas because there have been no money issues, we've had it in abundance. This year, not so much. This year, I am cross-stitching a lot of gifts and even those feel like it's not enough. For the boys, we will be going very easy on presents...it will be a different year from the last 2 that's for sure. I'm thinking we're going to get a board game or 2 and spend a lot of time doing that with the kids so they don't remember how much they DON'T have...we've already warned them that this year will be different and I think they'll be good about it but it still makes me sad that I can't give them everything I want to!

I'm actually kind of hoping to get some work for the holiday season. Just something to get us through Christmas and the new year so we don't fall short. The cleaning thing didn't go very well...last I posted I had to go see a lady and clean for her for an hour or so...O.M.G. Their house was DISGUSTING. I was literally cleaning other people's feces off of toilets and other surfaces in the bathroom. I almost threw up because I'm pregnant and have a weak stomach at the moment...it was bad....so bad that the guy that was renovating their basement asked me to move the van and so I did....all the way back to my driveway. Without saying anything else. I just couldn't do it!! It was HORRIBLE. $15/hour is NOT enough to clean THAT. So, on to something else I guess. I'm still plugging away at PartyLite...not doing too bad but again, the economy is NOT good for people in this business.

If this isn't a depression, whatever you call it, it's friggin depressing to me!!! I know we won't be in this situation forever. Jer's got a great job that guarantee's raises every year (he's an apprentice steamfitter). When the baby comes, he'll have already received a raise and we will also have the child tax benefit we get now raised and we'll be doing fine. But until then, it's a crunch and I think everyone is feeling the effects.

In Rememberance

2008-11-11T13:24:00.003-05:00

The man hanging out the window is my Papa. Though he was never on the front lines (God rest those who were), he did serve in WWII. I'm not entirely sure when this picture was taken but I've always loved it and when I saw BohoMoms post today, it totally reminded me of it.

Remembering those who served then, who are serving now and who will serve in the future. Your courage speaks louder than words ever could. Thank you.

Mr. President....

2008-11-04T13:33:00.002-05:00

The results of this poll speak volumes. I hope this is the way it goes in the U.S. as well.

Good Luck Mr. Obama...Canada is rooting for you!

Sorry!

2008-11-03T08:16:00.002-05:00

I know, I know, I've been slacking. Here are my updates....

Job: I put an ad on our local Kijiji site offering housecleaning services and I've had several inquiries about it. Today I have to go meet a woman and do an hour or so of cleaning to see if she likes my work. I also may have to go check out another house that I was going to check out yesterday but when I went there the people weren't home (even though I was scheduled to come, dunno if that's a bad sign or not...). I have talked to a few other people but one woman wanted me to do EVERYTHING from bedding to garbages and her house smelled like cat litter. I had specified in my ad what I offered...walls, baseboards, cupboards wiped down, sweeping, mopping, dusting, windows and disinfecting bathroom fixtures. I also added that things could be added for an additional fee but when I was speaking with this woman there was no mention of any additional fees. I spoke with another lady who I would have been ok with doing her house except that the hours weren't good. She wanted me to start no later than 8:30 am and Jonah doesn't even get on the bus until 8:45 so I would have had to get daycare just to work three hours and not to mention drive out there. Wasn't worth the money I would have spent.

Partylite is going ok...I would like to be doing more shows but I have been plugging away at it and trying to get more bookings by offering items for cheap or free even....my mom and my best friend got me a few random orders as well so that my sales were a bit more for the month of October. I have my first November show coming up on the 7th and I think it will go pretty well. Then I'm not booked again until the 21st so we'll see if I can't fill something in the 2 weeks before. Anyone want a show and is within a few hours from me??? I don't mind travelling!

Baby:

Everything is good so far. I have my first OB/GYN appointment on November 20th and I"ll probably be scheduled for an ultrasound then to get some firm dates. I would assume that they'll probably use the July 1st due date but we'll see. I'm excited to see our little peanut! We've also decided that we won't be finding out the sex of the baby when it comes to the big u/s in January (ish) because Jer's family doesn't want to know and I KNOW I won't be able to keep my mouth shut if we know!!!! I was debating finding out or not anyway so that just made the decision for me that I don't want to know until he or she is born.

Everything else:

Everything else is pretty good, we're battling colds here. Super sore throat and coughs and low fevers....ugh. Hate this season for that.

That's about it really....will update soon!

I've been tagged!!

2008-10-25T07:02:00.004-04:00

So, I was tagged by This Guy and I'm not so good with the tagging but if you want to be tagged, consider yourself tagged!!!

6 Random Things about me:

1. I used to date women....then there was this one the fucked me up completely so I stopped. We are all the same, male or female. Either we're crazy and mean or we aren't...doesn't matter what's hiding in our underwear.

2. I am double jointed...I can bend my fingers back WAY farther than normal people can...it freaks people out and is hilarious!

3. I have only recently discovered my inner home-maker/craftiness. I didn't know I could cross-stitch, crochet, sew, or bake as well as I can...I'm LOVING it!!

4. I love to take pictures though I'm not very good at it yet. I'm just learning my camera and I'm trying though.

5. I think I have strep throat right now and have been up since 6:30 debating on whether or not to go to the walk-in clinic/ER to have it looked at and possibly get something for it.

6. I'm pregnant and this is why I'm debating even going to the ER. I'm not sure they could do anything for me anyway.

YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

I cannot believe it happened so quickly!!! I have two possible due dates...the first one, based on my my last cycle would be July 1st, 2009 (Canada Day!!!) and the second, which is more accurate but not always paid attention to by Dr.'s unless they are an RE is based on my ovulation which would be July 8th, 2009. And then of course there is whatever due date the ultrasound will give me. I have an appointment to get a refferal to my OB on November 3rd.

Bit of a beef with that, I've been with my OB for 4.5 years and I still need a referral from my family Dr. I think it's ridiculous and a waste of healthcare money to go to my regular Dr. just for a piece of paper that they will fax to my OB who I've seen hundreds of times!! Oh, and they can't just FAX it to them...no, I have to go in there. *rolls eyes*

Anyway, super happy and ecstatic :D

As promised...

2008-10-22T11:00:00.003-04:00

Here are the items I'm working on...
This one as taken me some time to do

But this one only took me an afternoon, this is what I was working on yesterday :)