Popcorn, Cherry Popsicles and Cauliflower

THOSE are my cravings so far. That and a sandwich...but not just any sandwich....a big, honkin' sandwich with lots of lettuce and tomatoes and sub sauce and mayo and......yeah. And so far, I'm NOT craving the smell of Comet as I did with the twins and Niko. I'M SO GLAD!!!

I was watching a Baby Story and Bringing Home Baby today on TLC and I was SOOOOO weepy!!! Here are my issues:

~ I'm afraid that I will feel differently towards this baby than I do to the boys...Jonah really. When I was pregnant with Jonah, I didn't have that feeling like I wouldn't have enough love for both of them...I'm not sure if it was because I had been away from James so much that we don't have the bond I'd like to have or what the deal was but I wasn't worried and didn't have any of these feelings. It's new to me and it scares me and makes me very sad. I'm sure it's normal but it still sucks none-the-less.

~ I'm afraid of giving birth again. My last two births have not exactly gone smoothly. The twins were born via emergency c-section. I had a section scheduled but they had their own schedule...they came 5 weeks early, 3 weeks before the scheduled section and they were breech. The c-section is by far the worst experience (physically) of my entire life. It was very scary and the nurses and doctors are desensitized and think it's 'normal' to be afraid and so on and so forth and therefore don't offer much in the way of comfort. Then with Niko, I bled. ALOT. So much so that my blood pressure dropped severely and made me throw up (one of my worst fears is throwing up) and made me weak for about 2 weeks after he was born. Other than that the birth was great but recovering from that was pretty awful...how would I take care of a newborn in that condition? I think I would tell them to give me the blood transfusion they debated on so that I could recover better. I had a transfusion after the twins as well and I felt better almost immediately.

~ I'm afraid that if we have a girl this time I won't know what to do with her. I've taken care of two baby boys...easy, peasy, lemon squeezy. Girls are all new parts!!! I have them myself but I've never had to care for anyones but my own!!! Lots of learning to do if she's a girl!

~ I'm feeling very ambivilant at times and while I've read that it's normal, I've been nothing but excited for my own babies in the past so this is new to me. I already love this baby SOOO much and I cannot wait for their arrival but on the otherhand I'm SCARED! It's been four and will be almost five years when they come....I'm out of practice!

Anyway, those are my issues to say the least...this is all piled on top of normal pregnancy stuff like morning sickness and mood swings.

I feel bad for my family!

Still Surreal

So, the last two posts kind of sucked, I know. But honestly, I really don't have a whole lot to report. Being in early pregnancy, I don't feel the baby yet, I can't hear the heartbeat on my doppler yet, I haven't had the ultrasound yet so I can't post any pictures of the little bean. Early pregnancy, despite being sick, is pretty boring lol.

It's still surreal to me really. In the last three years I've been pregnant three times and this is the 4th baby (there were twins in 2006). This is the first of those babies that I'm actually bringing home with me. It's hard to believe sometimes...we don't have much done in the way of preparing yet...we have some clothes that were given to us but that's about it. Jonah's crib is still at my moms and we don't really have a place for it at the moment...of course it's still very early to be even thinking about those things but I think as time goes on and as more things are accumulated and prepared, it will make it more real.

Reflecting on the last two pregnancies is weird too. They aren't all that different than this one thouse I'm not nearly as sick this time because I'm not on any of the medications I was for the surrogacy (both were IVF and so needed drugs to sustain the pregnancy until 12 weeks when the placenta took over). Still, I'm having a very hard time envisioning bringing this baby home with us and having him or her with me all the time during the hospital stay. The last two times, I brought DVD's and magazines to keep me occupied and I was still bored lol. This time is going to be so different...we're going to have a baby!!!!

I'm very excited to be a mom again. We're not finding out the sex this time so that will add to the excitement in the end as well...but really, I'm SO DONE being pregnant for a while. I feel so very lucky and blessed to be able to get pregnant so easily and quickly. I know how many mother's (those with children and those without, I truly believe that every woman who wants children is already a mother) would love to be in my shoes and who would like to throw rocks at me for complaining!! Trust me, I am grateful! I'm just very excited to NOT be pregnant for a while after this little peanut comes. I'm sure my body will thank me as well!

So, while I'm not throwing out great posts right now, keep in mind I'm still under construction here and early pregnancy is boring (not to mention makes you sick a little everyday lol) and I promise to have better posts soon!!!!

Uneventful

Dr's appointment went well, not much to report, have a bunch of bloodwork to complete and then our first ultrasound was scheduled for December 11th at 2:15pm. Can't wait!!! Next appointment with the Dr. is December 18th. I'll get a firm due date then. :)

Doctor's Appointment!!

First one of the "season"/pregnancy. Expecting a approximate due date, blood work and a first ultrasound date. Update when I get home...very excited :) Makes it more real.

Who Am I?

Have you ever stopped to think about it for real? What encompasses you? What defines you? What makes you who you are? If you were asked to describe yourself, what would you say?

I am at a loss for words. I'm sad because I really don't feel like I know who I am.

After talking with This Guy about blogs and comments and Blog names, it occured to me that I am NOT the Cross Stitch Bitch (despite the fact that I do Cross Stitch and I do Bitch from time to time, it doesn't not encompass me). Nor am I a soapbox as this blog had originally started as (even though I do step up there sometimes, I'm not continuously on the box).

Who am I?

There will be a new name coming in the future, one I hope will be ME. One I hope will explain who I am or at least sort of explain.

I'm simple. I'm not eye catching. I'm not glamourous. I'm not shiny or sparkly. I don't really have an edge. I don't wear make up or fancy clothes. I don't stand out. I really am a girl next door.

And that's ok, because I like it that way.

I was tagged!

Answer with one word only!

1. Where is your cell phone? desk
2. Where is your significant other? work
3. Your hair color? brown
4. Your favorite thing? family
5. Your dream last night? Dunno
6. Your dream/goal? sing
7. The room you’re in? office
8. Your hobby? computer
9. Your fear? death
10. Where do you want to be in six years? stable
11. Where were you last night? home
12. What you’re not? male
13. One of your wish list items? Mac
14. Where you grew up? Port
15. The last thing you did? phone
16. What are you wearing? pants
17. Your T.V.? off
18. Your pet? fish
19. Your computer? slow
20. Your mood? retrospective
21. Missing someone? always
22. Your car? van
23. Something you’re not wearing? socks
24. Favorite store? Walmart
25. Your Summer? fast
26. Love someone? yes
27. Your favorite color? blue
28. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday
29. Last time you cried? today

I tag Jennifer, Marnie, and Ruth. Everyone else I would have tagged has already done it or have been tagged! :)

The Coolest Site I've Seen in a While

http://www.zefrank.com/from52to48withlove/

How great is this? It's amazing what has already changed in the world since the election. I'm still filled with a sense of hope, even as the economy is crashing around us!

All around us

In almost every blog I read there are issues with money and the economy. Some of those bloggers are even freelance writers and are having to look for part-time jobs to make ends meet. It's all around us and we're no different.

We've really been struggling to make ends meet and now we're a little worried because it's almost Christmas. For the last 2 years, the boys have had a wonderful Christmas because there have been no money issues, we've had it in abundance. This year, not so much. This year, I am cross-stitching a lot of gifts and even those feel like it's not enough. For the boys, we will be going very easy on presents...it will be a different year from the last 2 that's for sure. I'm thinking we're going to get a board game or 2 and spend a lot of time doing that with the kids so they don't remember how much they DON'T have...we've already warned them that this year will be different and I think they'll be good about it but it still makes me sad that I can't give them everything I want to!

I'm actually kind of hoping to get some work for the holiday season. Just something to get us through Christmas and the new year so we don't fall short. The cleaning thing didn't go very well...last I posted I had to go see a lady and clean for her for an hour or so...O.M.G. Their house was DISGUSTING. I was literally cleaning other people's feces off of toilets and other surfaces in the bathroom. I almost threw up because I'm pregnant and have a weak stomach at the moment...it was bad....so bad that the guy that was renovating their basement asked me to move the van and so I did....all the way back to my driveway. Without saying anything else. I just couldn't do it!! It was HORRIBLE. $15/hour is NOT enough to clean THAT. So, on to something else I guess. I'm still plugging away at PartyLite...not doing too bad but again, the economy is NOT good for people in this business.

If this isn't a depression, whatever you call it, it's friggin depressing to me!!! I know we won't be in this situation forever. Jer's got a great job that guarantee's raises every year (he's an apprentice steamfitter). When the baby comes, he'll have already received a raise and we will also have the child tax benefit we get now raised and we'll be doing fine. But until then, it's a crunch and I think everyone is feeling the effects.

In Rememberance

The man hanging out the window is my Papa. Though he was never on the front lines (God rest those who were), he did serve in WWII. I'm not entirely sure when this picture was taken but I've always loved it and when I saw BohoMoms post today, it totally reminded me of it.

Remembering those who served then, who are serving now and who will serve in the future. Your courage speaks louder than words ever could. Thank you.

Mr. President....

The results of this poll speak volumes. I hope this is the way it goes in the U.S. as well.

Good Luck Mr. Obama...Canada is rooting for you!

Sorry!

I know, I know, I've been slacking. Here are my updates....

Job: I put an ad on our local Kijiji site offering housecleaning services and I've had several inquiries about it. Today I have to go meet a woman and do an hour or so of cleaning to see if she likes my work. I also may have to go check out another house that I was going to check out yesterday but when I went there the people weren't home (even though I was scheduled to come, dunno if that's a bad sign or not...). I have talked to a few other people but one woman wanted me to do EVERYTHING from bedding to garbages and her house smelled like cat litter. I had specified in my ad what I offered...walls, baseboards, cupboards wiped down, sweeping, mopping, dusting, windows and disinfecting bathroom fixtures. I also added that things could be added for an additional fee but when I was speaking with this woman there was no mention of any additional fees. I spoke with another lady who I would have been ok with doing her house except that the hours weren't good. She wanted me to start no later than 8:30 am and Jonah doesn't even get on the bus until 8:45 so I would have had to get daycare just to work three hours and not to mention drive out there. Wasn't worth the money I would have spent.

Partylite is going ok...I would like to be doing more shows but I have been plugging away at it and trying to get more bookings by offering items for cheap or free even....my mom and my best friend got me a few random orders as well so that my sales were a bit more for the month of October. I have my first November show coming up on the 7th and I think it will go pretty well. Then I'm not booked again until the 21st so we'll see if I can't fill something in the 2 weeks before. Anyone want a show and is within a few hours from me??? I don't mind travelling!

Baby:

Everything is good so far. I have my first OB/GYN appointment on November 20th and I"ll probably be scheduled for an ultrasound then to get some firm dates. I would assume that they'll probably use the July 1st due date but we'll see. I'm excited to see our little peanut! We've also decided that we won't be finding out the sex of the baby when it comes to the big u/s in January (ish) because Jer's family doesn't want to know and I KNOW I won't be able to keep my mouth shut if we know!!!! I was debating finding out or not anyway so that just made the decision for me that I don't want to know until he or she is born.

Everything else:

Everything else is pretty good, we're battling colds here. Super sore throat and coughs and low fevers....ugh. Hate this season for that.

That's about it really....will update soon!